Not looking forward to bedtime.

[Clarita83]

Hi. I'm new here.

I have to tell you about one strange, scary symptom that nobody has mentioned quite like I am experiencing it. But first, a story and some background. ( Please skip to the **IMPORTANT BIT** below if you don't want to read much).

I've always dealt with anxiety issues from a young age. It wasn't until my mid 20's when the first wave of anxiety hit me. It wasn't too bad but it did deal with the feeling of having a " veil" between myself and the world. The second wave came as I turned 30, that was 3 years ago and that was particularly brutal. That one was kicked off by my first real physical panic attack. 5 days ago was my latest episode that was triggered by a true real panic attack ( My grandmother passed away a week before). They seem to get worse with age. My anxiety tends to cause very " real" physical symptoms. Let me list some of the symptoms I have had in the past and my latest attack.

*Excessive Bowel Movement (diarrhea)

*Endless mind chatter (as if a TV was going off in my head, no direct communication with me

* Irrational fears ( ex: being afraid of the sun shining)

* Veil like feeling. ( Feeling no emotions inside. Emotional connection to partner and family seemed to have been lost and gone)

*Little to no sleep. ( In fact I hated night time and dreaded it the whole day)

*Weird burning sensations up and down my arms

*Throat tightness

* Heart palps

* Utter dread and convinced I've got a deadly illness

*Jolts ( this is my plague at the moment

I am sure I left some out. It's interesting that I do not hyperventilate. Right now what I am struggling with is less of the very bad stuff and more of the jolt sensation. Let me just say that today I had another panic attack and it felt like I was going to be thrown into a hyperventilating episode. It was almost like I was just waiting for it. My body went hot all over and everything was dreadful. I thought this is it I am staying stuck in this sensation.

**** Important bit****

Anyway. My problem is night time. The jolts ( brain zaps, hypnagogic jerk) used to happen right before falling asleep- brain zaps. I know all about that and how to live with it. But this is different and it happens even during wake stages, but more at night time. It feels like my whole body shuts down for a second except it doesn't because I could feel my pulse and hear my breathing as it hits the covers. It starts off similar to a hypnagogic jerk, in the chest area, and this too radiates into the head area. It's not the electric surge feeling, its more of a thump. But there is a silence to it all. It's almost as if suddenly no organs inside me are functioning not even my brain. When it reaches my head, my automatic response is fear. I jump a bit. It takes me 3 hours to go to sleep and this happens every time I nod off. Figure that to be at least 50 times a night or more.

Anyone else feel this or something similar? Maybe a different form of hypnognic jerks?I am afraid I am not explaining this properly because the symptom is new to me and hard to grasp. All I know is, it is terrifying. I went to the Dr. yesterday under the guise of requesting a full physical ( I did need it) and also to get blood work done. Have yet to do the blood work. Dr checked my heart, said it was very good. I forgot to have her check my lungs.

Thanks for reading.

WIll try to catch some Zzz's now

[Agora1]

Hi Clarita83, I am very sorry on hearing of the passing of your grandmother. The fact that you had a true panic attack 5 days after your grandmother's passing is not unusual. I don't happen to feel that anxiety gets worse with age but worse as time passes because of the significant changes in our lives. The loss of our loved ones being high in priority. The seed of anxiety was already planted in your brain at a young age for whatever reason. Children tend to process anxiety different than adults. The biggest symptom is usually shown in stomach aches. As they get into their preteen years, it can turn into chronic headaches until finally as an adult turns into true multiple physical symptoms.

That having been said brings you down to where you are today. You explained it very well. We always tend to feel that we haven't and that we may be different in what we are feeling vs what we are saying. Not so Clarita, especially when talking with other people who have anxiety issues. There is not one symptom that you've mentioned (plus more) that I haven't experienced myself over the years.

How ever each one of us describes the feeling of a "jump" "thump" or "jerking of the body" whether asleep or awake, all boils down to the over sensitized nervous system. We have to remember that our over anxious mind is "on alert" 24/7 feeding this info into our body. Remember Mind/Body connection is a true phenomena. When you do lie down and try to fall asleep or even when you might be relaxing in a chair watching tv, the muscles and nerves are sooo extremely tight that any form of relaxation allows our body to respond with the a thump, twitch, jerk whatever you may want to call it. It's like having a live electrical wire lying on the ground. If you have ever seen that you will realize that it never stays still. The electrical pulse is so high that the wires keep twitching and jumping around. Same as with our body.

The more we understand the mechanics of our body, the better we are in accepting and controlling our anxiety. I hope you are catching some zzzz's now. Things do get better in time x

[Clarita83 in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora1 =) Thank you for your message. When you take a step back to look at the events that recently happened in my life ( Grandma) it is obvious that it is no coincidence that horrible anxiety and symptoms flared up. I assumed I was handling it well but my subconscious and inner workings knew better ( plus like you said, I've been nervous since a child). Just to be totally satisfied, I took the step of seeing a GP a few days ago and today had blood drawn out. I really want to smack myself in the head for not having the GP check my lungs or test for hormone levels. At my age it is time for a full physical anyway.

I used to have that electrical pulse surge during my last episode 3 years ago. Things deteriorated so fast afterward and the same is happening now. Every day a new symptom. Must get back to basics of understanding this and coping skills. I feel I can deal with the bulk of it so far except for the night time jolt. It's not an electrical surge this time but it does feel similar enough to where it seems this sensation would belong to the same " family" of sensations as that. I much rather have the electrical surge to be frank. My sleep has been minimal and unnatural. Unlike the electrical surge, this one I cannot control or get past. Even started thinking about taking a sleep aid for my body to force itself to not care about the pulse or to sleep it off. It doesn't happen once I am asleep that I am aware of.

Thank you again =)

[msmit515]

Have these ALL the time. High levels of stress will cause them and they are SO scary but nothing to worry about at all. Hope this helps!

[Clarita83 in reply to msmit515]

Thank you msmit515 =) Indeed your words help! It's always a relief to know you are not alone.