My behavior

[JBJosh454]

So I have these things I do, I do them without thinking, when other people are around but not usually when theyre strangers. I really only do them around friends or people I care about and the more people that are around the worse it gets. So after months of observing my own behaviors I've come up with some ideas on why I do these things. Usually when its me and one other person I handle everything fine, i can control my thoughts and emotions. When its 2 other people it can be iffy, usually its fine and I have a good time but sometimes I have these feelings that they arnt interested in talking to me or that they don't even want me around. These fellings can become more intense when more people are involved. I've noticed that these feelings usually trigger when I've been interrupted or if during a conversation there's no eye contact or depending on their responses ill just feel ignored. It doesn't always trigger, a lot of the times i can shrug it off, but other times ill become very insecure always questioning if my friends want to be my friends. Ill have all these thoughts and i know they're irrational, i know they make no sense but they control me. ill become quiet and distant i tell myself im only doing this for attention that if i can get them to feel pity for me ill somehow feel more secure in myself.

Usually my thoughts when this starts happening are me reminding myself that its all my fault, that no one could like me, that im a terrible person with no skills or talents, that my life means nothing to anyone, that everyone would be better off if i just isolated myself, how ill never change or better myself and many other things. I have these same thoughts when I'm alone or at work a lot as well.

Also if i leave a room even for a moment i can't help but feel others are talking about how they hate me and want me to leave. when my friends text each other i always think they're texting bad things about me. I look through peoples phone, overlook peoples texts, i know its wrong and an invasion of privacy. I just feel like i need to justify my thoughts i keep looking and looking for proof that they hate me and I've never found anything but still i continue to act this way

I'm not sure if i just do all of it cause i have some kind of messed up addiction to attention or I'm just so insecure with myself i can't accept that someone could like me or maybe I'm just crazy or am i just paranoid

Idk its a hard thing to explain especially over text, sorry if i posted this in the wrong category

[HearYou]

JBJOsh,

Notice no one responded to this post yet or your last. Sorry about that. Sometimes people just don't know what to say. The good news you have today is you found this venue. You covered a lot of territory in your posts, so I am not going to try to untangle it, but am going to make a suggestion. I think it might be helpful for you to consider starting a journal about how you feel all these challenges in your life. You are articulate, and I think you could print out your post and make it the first page of your journal. Writing things down helps in many ways. If you start one, you will see what I mean. Trust me. And keep posting and reply to others who you may be able to offer some camaraderie. There must be others who are dealing with some of the issues you are. Please read the posts and see.

[Brumchick]

Hi, first off you are just fine as you are.No one gets all the goodies in life ,we all have a mixture of traits ad talents as well as bad habits etc..You would be amazed how many people suffer with social anxiety.I have a friend who mentions every one of yr points when she tried to explain her social anxiety.She is a fabulous person, she just doesnt think so.I would advise to get some tapes on managing first situational anxiety ,then some on social anxiety .if you ever feel things going south when you are speaking with someone work in a compliment ,eg ask have you been away ? You look so well rested you must tell me what youve been doing! MOst people love to talk about themselves and to appear knowledgeable, talented etc... its part of the human make up.By doing this you help to take the pressure off when you most need too.Then by asking such an open ended quetion, you then leave the way open for the other person to continue to tell you where they have been or what they have been doing etc...It also makes you appear more approachable ,and sociable likeable.You make people feel good about themselves ,they are more likely to look favourably on you. Even if you do show signs of awkwardness shyness or slightly off body language clues due off course to the internal scenario playing on inside your head .It will take some practice , but before long you will fibd things become easier.Perhaps you could practice with a friend ,a cousin?? These skills become easier the more you practice them.I also know that you have talent in some areas of your life .We all do.Who knows before long your new found talent could be the ability to make someones day with a nice compliment. it worked for my friend,she was hiding behind hedges and everything so she would not have to speak.Now after about a month of regular practice she is doing really well and starting to enjoy talking to people now.

All the best .