Hi i am also new to this community. This is really hard for me. I know my childhood was not the best, i have done everything i can to forget this havn't had luck. I have a great marriage, very happy there. I think about death all time. My mom died to cancer at 47 and left 5 kids to thier luck. No dad present ever. I don't like to think that i feel pity for myself. I just want to feel normal and happy.