Feel like I am losing control

[Rb0311]

I am completely driving myself over the edge thinking about my ex moving on.. idk how to get passed it 2 years and it's like the day of my divorce. Yesterday was horrible (Mother's Day) because of him not because of my mom she is alive not because I am not a good mom but watching people with there husbands and kids watching there husbands honor and be so loving to theee wives while my ex forgot to tell me happy Mother's Day until about 2 hours after I seen him at church. I have tried to move on I have a wonderful man in my life right now but all I do is miss my ex and my family as one. I have said a thousand times I sincerely think death would have been easier than divorce. I married at 18 I am 39 now he is all I have ever known I am the one that ruined my marriage for several reasons yes it takes two but I managed to cause majority of the issues. I am excellent at faking my way through life and when I am alone it's so bad I drive myself crazy.. every man I have met I find every fault or compare them to what they can't do that he could perfectly wonderful men I find myself pushing them away. I have tried to talk to my ex so many times telling him I need some closure I need some help he he usually wont reply by text and refuses to meet me to talk. This man is a very religious man will help anyone with there walk with God I have went to him and told him I trust you and I need some help and he says to me everyone has there own path you have to find it.. I agree but I am reaching out for help not just with divorce and he turns his back. I can't get past the thought that I will really not grow old with him.. last night I called the hotline because it was that bad why can't he see I am broken and not this horrible person? Because I am very broken from my past when I needed him the most during our marriage he didn't know how so he turned his back we became roommates pretty much.. I needed help during our marriage and I still do 2 years later I want his help.. and still he turns his back..

[Robbo12]

Isn't it funny how men can be so different with other people, supportive,friendly,caring. Yet the minute the closest person to them needs help they haven't clue how to handle it. And they say woman are complicated😐!!....think it would be good for you to talk to him for you and your anxiety, however you can't make someone talk. Why don't you try writing a letter, send it ...but without expecting a response. (If you do get a response then great but if not, try to accept that as closure). Xx

[Rb0311 in reply to Robbo12]

Funny without even reading your reply this is what I have done... I never expect a reply anymore from him unless it directly involves him or he gains from it. I know him very well and what I see is someone hiding from being hurt he knows my triggers and I think that sometimes he plays off of them but I also can overthink anything!! Lol thanks for the reply glad to hear someone else say what I was trying I don't have closure but I am trying everyday is a battle but I will continue to try everyday.