New member/waking up with impending doom

[Linzeroni]

Hey everyone 👋🏻, I'm a 27 year old married mom of two and lately my anxiety has been outrageous. Just earlier, my gums were bleeding after some rough housing with my son and I thought my heart was going to come out of my mouth I was so afraid.

I've suffered depression and anxiety since I was a young teen, on and off. Lately it seems to be on more than off. My husband and I live with my father and stepmom, the relationships are all becoming strained and I just feel awful all the time, I have that constant pit in my stomach.

The last 3-4 days I've been waking up about 30 minutes after falling asleep feeling like I'm about to die. It's just this feeling that washes over me and I just sit there waiting for my last breath to happen. It's absolutely terrifying, I think of my kids and that they'll need to grow up without a mother. That feeling eventually passes but then I just have this gloomy feeling and I usually get up and pace around. How do I get this to stop? What do I do? The anxiety is so out of control lately I can hardly stand it 😓

[Hidden]

Whew, you have a lot going on in your life. We don't have the answer on how to stop your anxiety. But you have mentioned some things that seem to create anxiety in your life. How about finding a place of your own to live, or trying to work on your relationship with your father and your stepmom? This one area of your life over which you have control. Having control over important matters in your life may reduce some of your anxiety.

Please think it over, as you appear to have the way to help yourself.

But we'll be here to listen.

[Linzeroni in reply to Hidden]

You're right for sure, but we can't move out until November. My husband has a great job but he's in the training portion and anything can happen, he doesn't have job security until he's finished with the program, which is in November.

I try to make the best of things, I'm so grateful that we have a place to live. But I've had issues with my stepmom for ever, she is just different, and there's not much I can really say without coming across as extremely mean. We have nothing in common, she tries to be involved in every single aspect of my life- she never had children so it's like "this is her chance". I can't even go to a convenience store without her knowing or wanting a play by play. I could go on and on, but no matter what I do or say she won't back off.

My father and I are just very different people, but also very similar. At this point, he just wants us out. He wants his house back.

I feel unwanted by my dad, and my stepmom never wants us to leave. She has asked us multiple times if we wanted to take on half the mortgage. I am in this constant state of walking on eggshells and trying to appease everyone and I'm completely losing myself.

I also quit smoking 2 weeks ago so I'm extra on edge. I've been trying to talk my husband into moving but he won't budge and just keeps telling me to see a doctor. So I don't know maybe I should.

[Hidden in reply to Linzeroni]

Whoa! You just stopped smoking and still handling the eggshell environment? My hat goes off to you madam. Are you getting any assistance from a doctor to help you withdraw from the nicotine and numerous chemicals of addiction in cigarettes? Please check into maybe a nicotine patch program. If you can make it 6 more months when you can move, try to just hang in there....but get some help for the nicotine withdrawal which may be pushing you over the edge. Ok? Ok.

[Agora1]

Hi Linzeroni and welcome to the anxiety forum. It sounds like you are experiencing severe free floating anxiety most likely due from the strained relationships in the house. The situation is constant and so then becomes the constant pit in your stomach. The anxiety carries over into your sleep not allowing for you to let go of your stress and relax. Your anxiety may be out of control but you will need help in getting back into control emotionally.

Talking with your doctor or therapist is a start. Sometimes short term medication is warranted, along with learning coping techniques to calm the mind and body. You seem to realize that this is anxiety but it's just too hard to handle at this moment. A therapist would be able to give you some direction in accepting and coping strategies. I personally use meditation and deep breathing which has carried me far. Different methods work for different people. Since your stress is your living arrangement, you will need to escape in your mind when things get over bearing. Ten minutes at a time to meditate, escape so that you can feel the release of stress will help immensely. Coming on to the forum will also help support you since we all understand what it is like. We all care.

[Linzeroni in reply to Agora1]

I do believe I will need to see a doctor. I'm just worried and am apprehensive about taking any xanax or anything since they're so addictive. I just hate feeling like this, and thre depression is definitely creeping in, I can feel it. It's making everything so much harder and I'm trying to be a good wife, mom, and daughter and feel like I'm failing miserably at all of it.

I used to meditate all the time, but even the thought of trying feels so daunting and I don't even know why ugh!

[Agora1 in reply to Linzeroni]

Linzeroni, I can understand your apprehension about taking medication. I feel the same. However...there comes a time that we have to reach out for something that will break the fear, help us think more clearly and move forward. Going through each day as you are is chipping away at your physical and emotional well being. When overstressed as you are, everything seems overwhelming, even things such as meditation/deep breathing. I suggest using a quiet calming video on YouTube. There is anything and everything from 1 minute stress reduction to several hours. I find that the 5 or 10 minute video is mind calming. It is so much easier when you go outside of yourself and find a calming soothing voice to guide you through. You can't force yourself to feel calm, let it come naturally. Open your mind, remove all distractions and take 10. You deserve this. In order to be a good wife, mother and daughter, you first need to take care of YOU. x