Hi everyone...I am new in the blog....and actually I have never before written in a blog! Why now?...the answer is obvious... I'm 42 years old & I need HELP....I' m totally fed up with my self since I constantly feel like I am dying....experiencing all the time panic attacks...tachycardias...difficulty in breathing...neck pain....arm pain...headaches...etc.
I have been to hospital's ER 3 times, feeling that I was having a heart attack and/or a allergic shock...!!! Of course neither was true at that time!! My family and friends are really getting tired of me...they just tell me I have to simply relax and that nothing bad will happen to me. Well, this is easier said than done, at least in my case.
The sad thing is that trying to see my self during the passage of time, I wasn't always like that...since I remember my self I had some phobias like fear of heights & darkness but that was all...Ι think that 2 things triggered all this...
First, almost 15 years ago, I had a severe incident of spring allergy. Actually, I was literally saved in a hospital as I truly experienced an allergic shock. From then on, I started to feel insecure without my allergy pills especially during spring time. And then, my allergic symptoms slowly started to become generalised i.e not only in spring by I had them in all 4 seasons especially due to dust.
And then, 8 years ago the heavy trigger came along...I gave birth to a wonderful baby girl! However, my experience of giving birth was totally scary! I had one of the most difficult c sections ever under epidural anesthesia(that means I was awake, listening to everything it was happening & trust me things were really getting tough) ...thank GOD I had a really great doctor & all this had a happy end...! But, my stupid brain just hours after the adventurous childbirth started to have these peculiar feelings & thoughts ..." and if I die??...what's gonna happen to my child?...."I don't want to die leaving her to grow up without me..."...."this is too good to be true (becoming a mother)...shall I live to really enjoy it?....etc...I think you got the point!
Nowadays, I'm a hard working mother. I have my own business but it's really hard... I'm working lots of hours under lots of stress...doing something which I wouldn' t put it as "my cup of tea". I'm living in a louzy country called Greece (actually I' m proud as a Greek and Greece it's a beautiful country but also a louzy one due to its incompetent politicians & naive people who vote for them) and the problem is that you don't really know what's gonna happen next to you or to your business. My husband due to this socioeconomic incertainty went abroad to work...something which neither of us wanted but it was unavoidable. My daughter is now almost 8 years old, and I' m still fighting with all the above fearful thoughts & feelings...letting me empty everyday....making me not to be able to really enjoy the present with her...
I'm truly fed up feeling that I'm having a heart attack every other second and afterwards feeling pity for my self.... I truly wanted to say this outloud!
I want to say sorry if I wrote too many...but also want to say THANK you for giving me the chance to get this all out of my system....I fear of death...I hate death...and ufortunately it' s something that you cannot miss ...but since I' m still alive, I would like at least "death" not to mess with my life...
Just need a little help and a friend or two. 
Freaking about death, old age, and thinking everyone must be nuts
Please read I'm scaring myself! Catching my breath:(
I need help.
Just wanting to vent and give a real side to this anxiety....
