I got an upper endoscopy yesterday, and while they found nothing in my throats and stomach, the doctor mentioned something to my parents about setting up an appointment to see a specialist for Marfan's. From what I was told, I don't know if they were sure of it, but they obviously want to be on the safe side if they want me to see a specialist.
As I posted before, my main anxiety worry has been centered around my heart. I had a stress test and echocardiogram in November of last year to make sure I had no issues and I was cleared. I was relieved for a few months, but then I started feeling strange pains. The blood tests I done since have found nothing and now the endoscopy hasn't found anything.
I already mentioned about my half-sibling (who I never met and don't really know) dying suddenly back in my mother's home country. It never affected me much but made me feel bad for him and my mother, but with each of these issues I've been growing through, the more I can't help but think of his death. I'm so afraid that may have Marfan's and started thinking that maybe my brother may have had it, and if I do, I'm scared of it being untreated and suffering from the deadly things left no towards it.
As far as I know, none of my parents have it and my brothers and I are/were only related through my mother. My father has smoked probably longer than I have been alive and he's in his 50s. Of course, he has a higher chance than me of having cardiovascular diseases of me due to that, age, and some possible other factors, but the possibility of me having untreated Marfan's Syndrome makes me think it would not be too early for me. I've been experiencing some of the worst pain ever recently. What makes it so bad isn't the intensity like hitting myself or breaking a bone, but the faintness and not having a clue. I feel like I can't take it anymore. Sometimes it's so debilitating that I don't want to eat or do anything extraneous.
I've been dealing with health anxiety, and the idea of me having this takes the cake over anything I ever worried about. I can't help but put the two together when it comes to my symptoms and the disease.
I got an appointment on the 17th of this month and I can't help but feel like it's too far away. It's at the office this time too, so I'm probably just gonna set up an appointment for the specialist and whatever else there, and then I'll probably have to wait for an insufferable amount of time again. The wait isn't as long as my endoscopy wait date was, but my patience was waning fast before then, and I feel like it already deteriorated.
I'm sorry for making such a long post. It's just been bugging me since yesterday evening and the only relief I feel like I get now is sleep. It honestly makes me tear up when I think how different and active of a person I was a year ago. I haven't been in at my university for a whole school year in damn near a year. I rarely see any of my friends due to distance, anxiety issues, and the possibility of a undiagnosed health issue. I try my best to refrain from saying it, but I have had suicidal thoughts a lot lately. I don't see my self actually killing myself, but the thought is still there and it's where I'm at right now mentally. I haven't told anybody I know, especially my parents, because I honestly believe it will make it worse for all of us.