Anxiety

Hi everyone!!!!

New to this so here it goes!!

I am 20 years old, 21 in August :) I'm from Ireland! Living in a very rural area! I'm writing this because I know I am suffering from anxiety and depression but trying to hold it away. I never used to be this bad, I always was shy in school but always had my friends. In secondary school I did get bullied by girls and I think it's been pretty much since then it's been there nagging me. I finished school 4 years ago. I went to college for 1 year, hated it, I dreaded going in every day, i felt sick in my stomach going on the bus in every day because I didn't enjoy it. I have known for a very long time I am suffering from social anxiety.. I haven't been told but I just know it. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years now. He is my best friend. I'm lucky to have him, recently I've got a bit worse and now I'm only starting to come out more and tel him how I am really feeling inside. He does understand and he told me I should defiently seek help, I know he is here for me but I know he won't be able to help me as much as a therapist or DR. So, really am .... we hang out with lots of the lads (my boyfriends friends) a lot that would be my 'friends' too but not recently I have been hearing a lot just that they talk a lot BS behind my back and it really put me down even more being around them now. My boyfriends brother has a girlfriend also there Engaged now and she has never liked me from day 1. I am always very nice to her and as people must know I am very very shy and I find it so hard to talk to people. I just know she doesn't like me she makes times for every one else but not me , my boyfriends other brother has a new girlfriend now and the engaged girlfriend has so much time for the new one and I just don't know what is wrong with me that no one makes time for me? I get weird looks when I'm out, if I'm out enjoying myself with my boyfriend dancing she would give dirty looks nd say small diggs like get a room ... While she dancing and kisses her boyfriend . I just don't get it. It's like I can't be happy? It's now xmas Eve and I can't believe I am writing this . I came home from being in the pub with my boyfriend few relations there of his and the girls, I felt horrible there so out of place even though I've been around forever ? I felt like they were All giving me such bad looks like I had 10 heads and no one would talk to me . We went early . I felt like I was going to just beak down. So it got me writing this. I am really dreading xmas day tomorrow as we go from my house to his house and family and as this I have to be around the few people that don't like me . It's hard sitting there because last year we were all there and I saw that 2 of the girls were actually texting about me over and back while I as there n the room and they would smerk at each other . I felt so upset but couldn't do anything because every one was there n the room. I just feel so hopeless really anymore I hate going out I can't go to the shop alone , I hate it, I feel like people stare at me that I'm ugly I can't go out without makeup .. People say I look lovely on a night out I feel like there lying and then I see them looking at me and laughing if I'm dancing or just being normal. I know I do need to talk to someone but I'm finding it very hard to get the confidence to. Right now I just feel sick and weak and I dread every minute of every day . My hands shake if we are out with the girls that stand there together Looking at me or trying to be all'fake' I get so upset I literally start to shake. I feel like I just can't handle much more of it anymore and need to talk to someone and seek help. I'm not sure will I stop them from not liking me but I hope it does. It's ruining my life , and especially living in such a small place every one knows everyone, aloft of people talk about people around here.its not Nice atal. I get a lot of headaches and feeling sick. I recently had a good 'friend' which I found out she was actually just using me because I bought her fags all the time and food, apparently she only felt sorry for me because I have no friends and apparently I'm a freak, I just feel so low after hearing stuff like that and I don't know why people talk about me so badly . I'm such a quite girl & always nice to everyone . They say stuff like I don't let me boyfriend go out if we don't go out one weekend because he says he is wrecked from work , but everyone blames me ??? I seem to always get the blame and the looks and everything that is going and i never ever used to be like this .also there is a girl going out with my boyfriends brother now for a while and my boyfriends brothers girlfriend that I was talking about up there ^ loves her and always asking her to meet up but never me .. even tho I have been in the family for years now ? I just don't get it

Someone please reply

I couldn't type everything that's only half of what I have to deal with with the people here.

Thanks

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2 Replies

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  • Hi, sorry to hear things have been so tough for you. Maybe you should speak to your doctor for advice about the social anxiety and explain how its impacting your life. the doc might be able to suggest talking therapies that could help.

  • Yes please speak to the doctor. Pm me anytime. I know there are some bitter, nasty people out there. They may be messed up. Btw I visited Cork my first trip to Ireland last Feb, I loved it. So pretty and green.

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