First post

[InkyLizzy]

I work in a vet hospital. A lot of what I'm going through is work related, feelings of being invisible, not important, overlooked and just not respected. I am beginning to question how real my emotions are and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or bad thing. Like, I don't know if what I'm seeing is really as bad as I see it maybe? I tend to catastrophize (if that's a word?) and trigger stack a lot. Little things begin to pile up and become one massive thing. I had some kind of attack on Tuesday, I don't know if it was anxiety or panic, but I was sitting in my car outside my job sobbing for 10 minutes at the thought of going to work. I walked in, walked to the back, turned around and walked right back out.

I spoke with my manager and we have agreed that I'll stay for another week (up to 2) and we are parting on good terms. I walked out on my boss today (not the one I talked to the other day) because he ignored my pleas to defer a client because we didn't have the staff to help them and he said yes to me then admitted the client anyways. I cried all the way home and had a panic attack because I'm terrified of my next steps. I may have to travel further to a place that isn't easily accessible by transit should my bucket of a car fail on me. I may have to take a pay cut and I'm afraid my bills will fall behind. I had an attack again when I started to trigger stack all of the cruddy stuff I'm dealing with at work and at home.

I feel like everything is pushing down on me and I can't push back. I feel buried, unimportant, like I'm a failure and that I don't matter to my job, which makes me feel like I don't matter in general. I feel like I'm drowning and I don't see a rope anywhere, just empty ocean. 😔

[rubyred777]

Hi InkyLizzie, Believe I saw you on my weight loss post. I can see why you're stressed out. Do you have two jobs? I believe you spoke of two different bosses. Maybe you need a different type of job. Your very sensitive to those around you. When we're oversensitive, we take things very personally. I had the same problem. Finally ended up with janitorial job. Only work with a couple people or by myself. No one on my back. Seems your job is biggest source of your anxiety. How about at home? Ruby🌹

[InkyLizzy in reply to rubyred777]

I've had a really bad run over the last 6 months or so. I lost 2 jobs (one in July and one in October) and now I'm leaving this one for combined health and ethics reasons. I love what I do because I am an advocate for animals and proud of it. This particular job is one in which I have no faith in this doctor, he does not practice good standards of care and he is too money hungry. His money hunger negatively affects the staff because he won't turn away any clients even though we habe a sister hospital that is better staffed and better equipped. I came to the separation agreement with my supervisor (who works at the other hospital) but I'm having issues with the doctor (part owner) at this place.

This doctor won't listen to the input of myself and the one other tech who works there even though he says he wants our input. He has lost 3 patients in less than 3 months due to ignoring what we were tryingto tell him. We present concerns and he laughs at us and says it will be okay. He's already had the other tech walk out on him. He had a receptionist walk out on him multiple times and I walked out on him today. Add the all this that he's not providing medical for anyone but himself, he extended the hours without really talking to anyone, he's not paying us holiday pay and he keeps just relentlessly piling on the work.

I am trying to find another job but I can't get it out of my head that I'm just going to screw that up too. I feel like I can't escape the negative thoughts and negative talk in my head. I'm not taking any meds and I'm not in therapy since I have no insurance. The insurance is a whole other can of worms thanks to a screw-up from Covered California. Add to that the fact that my car is literally falling apart, I need to get it smog checked and registered but the engine light is on and I haven't had time to fix it. Plus the handle on the drivers side broke and I accidentally ordered the wrong one and now 3 weeks later, my door is still pulled apart.

It all feels like too much.

[rubyred777 in reply to InkyLizzy]

Seems you need to find another vet, that appreciates you. I don't think I could handle working at a vets office. Just being in the waiting room, I end up in tears sometimes. I can't handle seeing animals in pain. It's wonderful to be a part of helping them. I envy you that.Just really sounds like you're having a rough time finding the right job. They were all vets, you worked at? 🌼