Add on to first post..

[shadow45]

I visit this site very morning and have done for months now And I have to wonder if I am not becoming dependent on coming here to see how my contacts are doing I have to admit that I formed some attachments to several members Some of whom are going through very hard times Is this some form of co dependence... I know when whywhy stopped posting I did get a little twinge of anxiety.... as she was so open and positive with her responses.... Donver was another member that I felt had a good handle on what was going on with most issues the other members were having.... I guess because I am in Canada I am late in responding to posts as well.. so I kind of miss out on the more timely posts...... But I think this is feeding into the feeling of detachment from everyday interactions with people.... My days were full of activity when I was looking after my parents I had a structure to my days ... Now not so much.... I do go back to work in three weeks so i'll get that structure back into my life. which is a blessing... I Hope that it will get me out of this feeling of being useless or un needed...I often wonder what it would take to even try and initiate a romantic relationship... I have been single for too long now and I am at an age where relationships are hard to initiate.... Most people my age (59) have been through it all ...Some are too jaded to even consider a long term... living together style of relationship... I even wonder how I would be able to take on someones issues full time.... I do have a female friend who is 10 years younger who is in a very abusive relationship.. And I have some very strong feelings for her... But her issues are more than I can cope with or would want to even....So as you see my friends its a bit of a hodgepodge of emotions....But I thought I'd post it anyway . If your bored and have nothing to do.... at least it will give some of you a ten minute distraction from whatever your going through today.. much love steve

[bepete]

Hi steve .

I do agree with you about the age relationship thing, I am 56 now., and recently got involved with a girl who had

a bit of a bad past history.

its hard to change at the age we are at , and I must admit her past history of 2 abusive or violent partnerships ,took its toll on me, and the phonecalls at 4 in the morning ( her witching hour ). didn,t do me any favours either, as I am convalessing after a major trauma.

it all ended eventually, and now im back on my own !.

but I do think someday , I will find someone to look after and be looked after in turn.

you've looked after your parents well !.

so you cant be so bad !

stop beating yourself up !

we all get onto this site to see if we can get an opinion, or to help someone else.

I check it every day !,

keeps the grey matter going !

LOL!!!!!!

[shadow45 in reply to bepete]

Well bepete... your so right.... I just didn't get the notice that we need to work at relationships if we want them to last... I have been married twice.... So I had my chances at staying in long term relationships.... Ones that could have taken us both into old age.... But impulsive behaviour as a younger man caused me to disregard these thoughts..... I see now how compromise and compassion for someone else`s issues is a much need tool in keeping relationships together for long periods of time...... As I said most of the women I meet now have been through hell and even sitting hearing what has happened to them gets me anxious.... It's easy to hope for the chance to meet someone who still has the capacity to be giving and loving in the way we did as younger people...Easy to hope for.. but not as easy to find...steve

[bepete]

I think getting your job going is the first step for you my friend !

but don't do what I did and throw yourself wholeheartedly into a work ethic, that leads to disaster !

try to even things out .

pete

[shadow45 in reply to bepete]

Thank you,, I`ll keep that in mind...steve

[mimii]

Hi steve. Just wondering are there any support groups in your area, if you could talk with like minded ppl such as on this site may help you to feel less isolated and alone sorry to hear about your cat , we had one went missing once, hope yours turns up , maybe when you least expect it xx

[Hidden]

morning Steve

I think you will come on the site for as long as you need to. If it helps at this time that is good I think we will naturally leave when we are ready. Some times we have to much time to think about everything we are doing and not just go with the flow of what we need at the present time.

I am sure you are right about having some structure in our life's as we all need a reason to get up in the morning.

This thought of wanting to be needed (Read your other post) has come up a few times in my weds self help group I go to on weds In fact one person said " I just want some one to look after me and me to look after them" and quiet a few others agreed me included. So you are not alone feeling like this.

It's a strange old world Steve with so many people around busy doing things and missing out just talking to each other I reckon.

Well hope you have a nice day.

gardener x