One day I just started getting paranoid. My anxiety started when I lost my job and I was doing well. Then once my wife got pregnant I just started to get scared because what if I don't find a good job before the baby comes ? I just landed a job that requires me to deal with quotas and numbers (stress) and I will be the manager. But I am just taking it because I need the money and can't be picky right now. But around the year ending all these celebs with heart issues etc and people just dropping like flies and I just started to obsess over my health. I set up doc appointments she says everything is good but then I always doubt them. She says I'm healthy and I just still check my heart rate all the time. Now I have a strict diet not to get I'm shape but a strict diet to try to just stay healthy. I just become depressed. I know 3 guys that just posted a post on Facebook and they passed away the same day. It just freaked me out. I'm always paranoid. I'm always thinking WHAT IF. I can't enjoy anything because I'm always thinking "what the point? Anything can happen anytime" idk if its just me being stressed with life and not pulling my weight that's making me think all these weird thoughts. When life is decent I dont think this way but whenever I'm stressed I think all type of weird scary stuff. Like I'm walking on eggshells . I hardly leave my house only to Doctor office, store, barbershop and to pick up my wife and child. I dont go anywhere anywhere for leisure. I'm afraid to stay home alone in case I stop breathing or some type of issue. Eveeyrime I see someone is sick I check symptoms and think I have those symptoms and have that issue. I can't sleep, I go to bed at 11pm dont sleep until 4am because I'm online researching this shit all day smh then I wake up around 5 and my chest feels tight heart is pounding I get scared then turn on the television and Its always a church informercial then I start thinking its a sign that something is wrong. I end up wide awake reading amxiety stuff. Then I fall asleep like 6 then wake back up at 9 and I stay wide awake until 4-5pm I don't leave my bed only to eat and Piss. Smh I literally can't get out my bed, I get up to clean my room I put two things away and end up right back in bed doing this smh. I feel miserable. My chest is tight 24/7, I feel like a robot I feel like I'm in a movie when I go outside it looks weird, my legs are weak, when I'm outside feels like my heart is POUNDING, I get in my car I feel so anxious thinking if I'm alone I can have a issue with my heart, or brain. Smh all the "what if' thinking. I used to have so much fun. I dont get haircuts, I don't shop anymore, I hardly have sex with my wife, not to be graphic I dont even have erection much because my mind is so occupied. My mind doesn't stop thinking of danger or bad stuff. I can't have conversations with people with thinking some weird shit in the back if my head. I dont like being alone when just a few months ago I was gonna go on a whole trip by myself! I'm scared of everything! I avoid parties, going to family events I even had an interview for a better job than I was offered this am and I didn't even go. I doze off during the day. I hardly eat... I just feel like shit and always scared. Sometimes my arm feels numb, my face gets numb. I can't stay out of my bed for more than 20 min. My room has been my sanctuary for over a month now.... Does anyone experience all this???


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8 Replies

  • Awwww wow a feel for u. I totally understand I avoid everything possible tbh, around 4 years ago a didn't go out for over 2 years, the world didn't seem real it was like a was living on another planet nothing seemed real the light made me bad, even putting rubbish in the bin was hard, eventually I though f,,k this a need to do summit so I gradually walked the blocks taking deep breaths gradually went to me mams then ended in supermarkets a was still fearful but a lot better a take a drink every we're I go because I go all hot and dizzy and of balance, now it's hit be again after been so good it's awful, even work a go to uni twice a week wich is hard am in a class on me own as the teachers no what I'm like. I also done a bit of modelling for a catalogue and a can't face it no more I have everything to live for, but a can't seem to shake anything of but a hope you are okay and all the best sorry for the waffling x

  • Its tough

  • It's more than tough it's horrendous

  • I'm always thinking something is wrong with me and something will happen seeing all these things happen to people I know and on TV. Just makes me so depressed

  • Just like me any little pain that's it you've got some type of disease, terrible everyone's just dropping like flys it's scary as. I've been the way I am 8 year never a day goes by a feel normal always summit wrong I'm sick

  • With all the celeb deaths last yr & people in general dropping like flies thats what started my anxiety with my heart, so booked docs appointment had an ECG came back fine but i still think what if?! Your not alone, chin up Xx

  • I can empathise with all you had posted and when I was about 25 yrs old I had a nervous breakdown which it sounds to me like you are having virtually come to a full stop basically problems with my then husband started it off then it escalated.. wont go into all the details but suffice to say the ONLY thing which pulled me out of it was I came across two books considering by that stage I couldn't read either as well as eat sleep etc I didn't think I would be able to read them but I ordered them any way and when they arrived I opened one of them up and before I knew it I was on chapter 10 they were by Dr Claire Weekes - Self Help for your Nerves and Peace from Nervous Suffering, in the book I was reading first she mentions how many of us who are reading it won't think we will be able to read as we had probably lost interest in the world around us which I had done however she went on to say but the words in the book will be about you so you will be absorbed and not only did those books literally save my life I have them with me to this day and have dived back into them on and off throughout my life when going through rough pathces I would advise you to look the author up she is Australian and she was one of the first doctors to appreciate how constant worry compounds into a complete shut down of the emotions and stops us fucntioning .. I wish you well :)

  • Yes dr Claire weeks books and I also have her on cd's in my car!

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