FELL INTO THE MEDS TRAP

I've under a terrible amount of stress for the past month. Really bad anxiety, I didn't have too much Anxiety attacks but in the past month or so I had I say about 5. They were small ones where I calmed down pretty quickly. I tried CBT but that didn't work at all smh my therapist would just say "u been down this road before". I am just at a dead end with Anxiety. I was prescribed Zoloft about a month ago but I tried to not take it because I've been on and off meds in the last 10 yrs. I have so much going on and I've been posting so much I can't even continue to go on about it. U can check my previous posts to see what I've been going through. This AM I woke up with a baaaad Anxiety attack my heart was pounding like crazy, my legs were shaking and I just felt out of control. I tried to lay down and let it pass but didn't work. I panicked. I drank some water and milk to calm down and tried some self talk but that didn't work too well. Splashed some water on my face and just laid back down just a very scary feeling. I am home alone and makes it worse. I've felt like this before time after time but have no control or way to cope with it. I was such in a panic I went in my drawer and took my Zoloft. I think I need it right now because my anxiety is getting horrible and uncontrollable. I'm disappointed because it makes me feel like I'm weak and can't handle my life. So every time life gets tricky I pop a pill??? It really sucks. But I've been in bad shape lately so I need some relief. I understand that it may take a few weeks for the effects to kick in but I need some peace. I've had anxiety disorder since I was 15 or 16...I feel ashamed. I was going to try and fight this anxiety out. I've been couped up in my room for two days straight in a deep dark cloud smh I'm crying constantly always thinking about my life mistakes and current mistakes. I can't feel excitement for anything. I feel like such a failure to my family and mostly to myself. I fail at being a man and have to rely on stupid meds to keep me halfway happy but its just I need help. My therapist doesn't really show empathy and make me feel happy. She's too straight forward. I'm just lost I have so many different issues and worries all at once I can't handle it. Maybe the Zoloft will give me a little relief to map things out clearly because as of right now I can't think straight. I had a job interview today and I just didn't go because of how I feel. If u dont have anxiety u will never know what we go through. I sleep late like 5:30am smh now its 8:30am n I'm.wide awake. The anxiety attack I had this AM was horrible n too scary. I ran straight to my drawer and gave in and started my Zoloft journey yet again . usually I abruptly stop the meds which can probably be bad too. Maybe this time I need to takr the meds , try to work the problems out and then slowly taper off the meds properly instead of just abruptly stop because I heard when u abruptly stop meds when your anxiety comes back.it comes back worse. I dont know man, I'm all over the place.... Impending doom 24/7 every time I see stuff on the news about health I think I'm next etc this is a nightmare.

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2 Replies

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  • Hi Hope for the best

    Hi l know how you feel as l am also going through what you are l have come of my meds slowly hard sometimes as today l have had an allwfull panic attack out of the blue felt like l was going to go mad thank god for people l can talk to and this site it really helps and talking to your doctor will help aswell as your therapist does not seem,to be helping you much don't feel ashamed your get better take care

  • Hi Hope4TheBest07, with all you have going on, popping a Zoloft, is not going to do it. You need to talk to the doctor who is the prescriber of the SSRI. It sounds like you need an anti-anxiety med as well as someone overseeing your Zoloft. Since that can take from 4-6 weeks to kick in, you need that little buffer to tide you over. I'm not for overmedicating, but there are times in our lives that we need that crutch in order to continue forward. This sounds like one of those times for you. Usually, therapy is recommended while taking these meds. If you aren't really connected with your therapist, it might not be a bad idea to find someone new or you are just spinning your wheels. You are going through the hardest part now, it getting situated with a supportive therapist and the right dose and medication, just until you get back on your feet. You can't stay cooped up in your room all day listening to the negative thoughts whirling in your head. I hope you take a step forward. We will support you. My best. Agora1

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