Almost Making it

There were the days I thought I wouldn’t make it, and the days I didn’t make it. The days I wanted to give up and the days I gave up. Somehow, thru no feat of my own, I am still here. This body has not left me yet, or should I say, I have not left it. Exterior: Corporate, successful, great speaker and team builder. Interior: Panic Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder-Bi Polar Disorder…leaves nothing in order.

For every step I have taken, I have fallen. I don’t smoke nor do I drink at all. I think it’s because I realized that with these sicknesses, you cannot outrun you.

I remember one-day thinking if I was at the beach right now, I would feel so much better. I spent a week in a beach house, directly on a beach, had sunny weather and yet nothing had changed, other than a location. Things work for a while then they do not.

[Agora1]

abomino13, The most exotic place in the world would not take away the internal pain we feel with anxiety disorders. It comes from a place deep with our mind. It controls our very thoughts and actions. Reversing this can only come from within ourselves. Escape is good but only if it comes from within us. Finding a quiet, safe place to go when stressed, when filled with fear is at least a temporary peace even if only in our minds.

We are certainly not alone in what we experience. I never realized how many people lived like I did for so many years. Having the life sucked out of me. Not knowing which way to go. Lost in a sea of so many people that seemed happy, content and able to achieve their dreams. Now I know, we all put on this happy face for others. What we have to do is put it on for ourselves as well as believe we can be happy and in control once more.

It doesn't happen overnight and there will be many falls and many slip ups. As we learn to accept this is our life, this is what we have been given to deal with, we will be able to find the answers. Sometimes it takes medication and therapy for a while and sometimes it takes just forging ahead full steam to get back in control.

Anxiety is a control disorder. Once we give it up, it is difficult to gain it back again, but it can and must be done for our own sanity. One step at a time, gathering any and all modalities out there to help yourself. Having a forum like this will hold our hand and give us support and understanding where none was. Wishing you well. Embrace the calm moments of each day. Never take anything for granted, life comes with it's uncertainties. We must make it the best we can. Take care.