Newly wed, soon to be newly divorced.

[daveets4]

I got married in May. And that's a big step in anyone's life. And on top of that I was a Military spouse. I have lived all over the country before, but when I moved this time it felt completely different. I felt instantly trapped. I had a horrible move here, and constant misery and fighting with my husband. Which we really didn't do in the year prior with us just dating (plus we've been friends for 13 yrs). When I came here I developed extreme anxiety, which lead to severe panic disorder with Agoraphobia. I had to drop out of college, I wasn't able to pick up a job, or even leave the house a lot of the times. And my husband turned into the least understanding person, constantly threw jabs at me having a mental illness. And focused on how badly it was affecting him and only him. So when I turn to a friend whom I've know since before I was with my now husband, it's not okay because he's a male. But he is one of my only friends fighting off the demons of having a mental illness unlike my husband who has had a pretty good life, and hasn't dealt with too much pain and anguish in their life or in the lives of their family (must be nice). And the friend was always there, never hidden. Even got "approved" by him, even though you shouldn't have to be forced to ask if it's ok to talk to someone. He hacked into all my messages yesterday and printed them out to accuse me of cheating which was not even close to the case. And when he was called out on it. He just insults me having a sickness again. So the line has been drawn and crossed and now we're on the verge of filing for divorce. And I'm just not sure how I can handle that on top of the anxiety I already have. I can't eat or sleep. I already had 4 panic attacks just yesterday alone. How does or how has anyone dealt with their significant other not handling your illness, and give you no support whatsoever with coping or healing from it??? Because I am totally lost, and unsure of what to do at all.

*p.s. so sorry for the wicked long post*

[Hidden]

Hello

Sounds an awful place you are at at the moment and no wonder your anxiety is not good dealing with this

Your husband does not sound a very understanding , caring person at all and I was in a marriage years ago where my husband just saw it as weakness and he would play on it which years later looking back he made me a thousand times worse but eventually the marriage ended and I went on to marry a very caring , understanding man which I have been married to 24 years , so there is hope

I personally would never let anyone treat me this way especially after I experienced similar that is one thing is taught me , I wonder if you could go and stop with family or friends for a while and get some space from him for now

If you could see your Doctor and get some support that would help to

Unless you wanted to rush into marrying someone else straight away ( which I doubt very much ) but the divorce bit out your mind , you can move away from him but let him be the one to go and file for one first and have the hassle , if and when he does then you would need a Solicitor and they would do all the work on your behalf

I hope which ever way you go with this you put yourself first , don't allow yourself to be brain washed and no matter how low you feel remember you are a very special person and worth been loved in the correct way and supported and there is someone out there that would do just that if and when the time is right , but look after you for now and I wish you all the best

Take Care x

[daveets4 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much! Reading your response instantly made me feel not so alone. He knew I had baggage when he married me. And I've come to realize that he probably only accepted all of it because he thought he'd never have to face it himself. It's really hard especially now because everyone is supporting him, and that I'm the bad person simply because I'm married and has (well I should say "had" now) a close single guy friend. Who I don't even see in person. And who we share a common enemy with; mental health issues. But that's not really something you share with the public. I can't win. Him and all of the rest of my family live over 2,000 miles away. And I paid for our entire wedding myself, his plane tickets home for the holidays, car insurance, our entire move out here. So I basically have nothing to go home with because of lack of me being to work and trying to pay for my expensive psychologist. And that's because she does home visits with me because I'm not well enough to not be afraid to drive. But thank you for telling me about your now, new caring husband. It makes me have hope. It's hard to let someone you love go, and wishing they would change or be different. On one hand you want to love and be loved and put it all aside so you can heal. And on the other hand. Maybe letting them go will actually help you heal in the long run. Even if it feels worse in the beginning. Again thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words. It means a lot!!

[Hidden in reply to daveets4]

Hello again

Not sure where you are but if you were in the UK you could get to see a psychologist through the NHS but I know outside the UK it can be different and very expensive

You say " everyone is supporting him " he cannot be telling the truth to these people or there is something wrong with them if they think because you have Mental Health Issues he should not be supportive

Not sure if your Mum is still about and what your relationship is like with her but in life I found that no matter what I could turn to my Mum , I am wondering if you could ?

I no longer have my Mum about and I do miss her but as a Mum to grown Adult children they know that no matter what they can always come to me and I will do my best to support them , that includes even if they have made mistakes because that is what Mum's do unconditionally , have you that kind of relationship with anyone in your own family ? I am sure they would not want to think you were in so much distress and going through so much on your own

One thing I have learnt in life is that we can only change ourselves we will never change anyone else , how they think or behave , the times I have wished I could but had to accept it was not going to happen as they have to want to change and if they think the way they are behaving is ok then they will always continue the way they are

Only you know what you can deal with , make a list asking why you are staying in this marriage and the benefits if you do and then another list asking why you would leave this marriage and the benefits if you did , when you have done both lists then look at them and see which comes out on top , that may just give you the answer and stop you feeling so unsure what would be the best thing for you

Take just a day at a time , no matter what you will get through this and you will be a stronger and wiser person from going through this , I know it may not feel like it at the moment but all the harsh experiences we go through in life are usually the one's that teach us so much more x