life is hard

[terry_12345]

I am a 50 year old woman that has been though hell. I am sure you all can relate. I have been raped, left by my first husband with a two year old and 6 mo's with child two. on the side of the street. lets go back even feather. I was 6 years old when my father held a gun to our (mom, brother, sister) while taking pill in front of us. telling us he was going to kill us. Lets just say my life have been like this . Now I lost my Thryiod. Do to cancer. Anyway don't want no fell sorry for me. But here at work, I can't do it, I mean that. I turn in work that is a mess. I don't think I am doing that at the time. but I look it over and wow why would I do anything like that. I have cried so much at work my boss hates me. and that don't help at all. I try to do the right things but I can't. Anyone got something to say. I judge people. Not bad I think if you are at work work. But than I do it myself. I am worthless. that all i got. Thanks.

[jennyjolly]

Most of us have been through their own hell on these sites

that's why people understand how you feel,

Can give you the support you need to come to terms with all that's happened,

can begin to heal and reclaim your life,

You're so worthwhile,special and have been through so much

not suprising either you can't focus at work ,

great you've managed to be employed

that's an achievement on it's own

but what can you do about it all

Different in UK to States as we have health service that offers free counselling etc

Is there a self help therapy group you could join?

Could you learn some deep breathing excercises free online so you can be more calm and focused,

Could you contact a free rape helpline to get some support to work through what's happened/join a womens' support group

If you're Hispanic/other ethnic group is there a group for women of your ethnic heritage?

You urgently need more therapeutic support than you're receiving right now

Do hope you find what you need to havethe good,happy life you and your children deserve

You can do it, you've done so well to come this far with all you've been through.

Best wishes to you and your family from Jenny,UK

Ps Is there a good church you could maybe join too and receive some extra support, help and guidance too

[jennyjolly in reply to jennyjolly]

PPs Sorry Terry I didn't use your name in my reply.

.Good luck with everything and always very pleased to hear from you.

[terry_12345 in reply to jennyjolly]

That is just some of what I have been though. I been seeing some one to help but it cost me to much $50 co pay. for one doc. I have 6. So I don't go all the time. I do go to church I love Jesus. Jesus is what has helped me though the tough times. I fell like I am going to break down. I have had men in the past when all that was going on with me and my kids. These men broke down my door. had guns. Yea looking for there brother who they shot. That whole thing was crazy. But the crazy part is my brother sent them to my house. Who does that. I am just letting it out. sorry to wast your time. I need to go God Bless.

[jennyjolly in reply to terry_12345]

Hi Terry,

You're not wasting my time at all, i'm a Christian too and is everything to me

I used to live in San Francisco.

not much of a gun culture here only in the rough parts of the inner cities,then nothing like it is other countries

God Bless you too Terry and keep you well and safe

[terry_12345 in reply to jennyjolly]

I have a permit now. That wasn't was first time I had a gun held to my head. When I was 7 or 8 years old daddy was going to kill so all. I am not good with dates. I am so glad your a Christian can you please pray for me. I am shaking a lot right now so it hurts to type.

[jennyjolly in reply to terry_12345]

Hi Terry,

I'll pray for you daily

Will be my pleasure and privilege

Can't remember which passage it's in but we are told to command God to lay his hand on whatever needs healing, not just ask

He wants us to put as much oomph into praying as we are able, do you listen to 'God' TV?/radio?

Especially the Afro-American preachers,

They have real power in their preaching.

I'm not of that ethnic group myself but my daughters' long term partner is

There is a energy there that comes from past generations of hardship/abuse so it is wonderful to see/hear it expressed in their preaching,

I feel strongly as I write this Terry you will come through all this with Gods' Help and Healing to be the best,joyful person you can be because of/in spite of it all

From across the Atlantic I send you and your family all good wishes and prayers for your healing.

All Blessings Terry