Depressed.

[Annielane]

My head is pounding and its too much effort to stand up anymore. Sometimes I just lay on the floor cause walking becomes to hard. My joy is gone and I just spent a good long while crying my eyes out in the shower cause my hope is lost and I am so beyond broken. I'm just so tired.. Too tired to move my arms sometimes. Too tired to think at school. The other day I slept for 16 hours. I am having such a hard time. Everything seems so pointless. I don't even remember what it's like to be happy anymore.. When I'm not feeling a soul crushing weight of sadness, I feel nothing. At all. I become completely numb to the world. How did this happen to me? This wasn't supposed to happen to me..

[Lovely85]

I am so sorry to here that you are feeling so low at this point. I know that feeling, but keep your head up high and stay strong, fight on, because greater th I ngs are ahead of you. Yeah it's seems like there's no hope for now, but continue to keep faith that everything will all work out for your good. Feel better

[Annielane in reply to Lovely85]

I'll try.. Thank you.. 

[Sonicmuse70]

Hi Annielane.  Everything you described was as if I had written it myself.  I have battled major depression/anxiety (including various--  and often debilitating--  physical symptoms) for over 25 years now.   Some days/weeks/months have gone better than others, but my beloved mother was murdered (practically in front of me, no less) by her sociopathic boyfriend nearly a year ago, and I just can't deal. (It would probably help at least a little if the brainless backwoods authorities around here would prosecute the sociopath--  which they were considering doing at first--  but it looks like that's not going to happen now.).  I am beyond devastated, and just tonight decided to end it all.  But then I read your post.  There's something strangely empowering (if that's the right word) in knowing (and bearing in mind throughout the day) that others are feeling a similar pain to your own; it helps you feel less alone in this often dark and incomprehensible world, and somehow that helps, if only just a little.  I will offer no advice except to keep reaching out to others, to live as much as you can in THIS MOMENT (easier said than done, I know!), and to HEAL INTO your pain rather than attempt to flee from it (which never works anyway.  It actually only makes it worse, at least in my experience... and I have a LOT of experience, unfortunately!).  I am SO, SO sorry you are in so much pain, but thank you for having the courage to share your experience on here--  among other things, it might just save a few lives... including mine!  Peace, light, and healing to you.

[Annielane in reply to Sonicmuse70]

I'm so so incredibly sorry to hear all that.. I can't even imagine.. I appreciate you sharing that with me, and I'm glad I could help encourage you through my own pain, I'm hoping and praying things get better for you soon. Thank you for encouraging me. You're strength is truly inspiring. I'll do my best to keep living if you promise to do the same! 

[Sonicmuse70]

You are MOST welcome!  Thank you for encouraging me as well--  I will happily accept those hopes and prayers and extend them to/for you, too... and I'll take you up on your offer/challenge to do my best to keep living!

It occurred to me today that perhaps the only thing we're here for is to learn to embrace all things... even the unacceptable, tragic things--  I think there's an important lesson in that, as incredibly difficult a lesson it may be.  It also struck me that perhaps "all" we are (perhaps all ANY living being is) is a unique expression of Life/The Universe/Consciousness at play with itself... AND that human beings in particular are basically Life/The Universe/Consciousness being AWARE/CONSCIOUS of Itself... and so, all of this is really just one big "ride" (which we sometimes REALLY want to get off of, of course!  But, the "trick" is to just stay on it and relax/heal into it).  Somehow, these bolt-from-the-blue thoughts helped mitigate just a little of the pain, pressure, and suffering today. (I think that's a good clue that perhaps there's some truth in them!)  Maybe they'll help you a little, too.  Hope so!