Hey guys today is the worst of the worst days im fully convinced im schizophrenic and its killing me im so scared inside i cant even handle it anymore. Ill give you some insight on my life im 27 years old and i was always shy and nervous child and i was always afraid of EVERYTHING!! My adolescence years were good ive always had some friends and my teenage years were even better got out of all my akwardness once i hit 20 i began hanging out with friends and getting into boys hanging out partying about this time i had my first big panic attack and i wasnt sure why this has happened to me i was so scared i was always an overthinker and negative thought began consuming me thinking i was going to kill my family and drive off a cliff it made me sick . After a while those thoughts and feelings disappeared and i was able to handle it. I lasted four years with barely any anxiety and began living my normal life again. Now last year all of a sudden i began thinking out of the blue what if i was to get schizophrenia i was so scared i couldnt handle i was so scared it gave me some depression.. That lasted three to four months than i was back to normal... Now its happening again and its back with vengance.... I had a panic attack two months ago because of my health now since thats out of my head im obssesing over mental especially schizo i cant help it. Its all i think about and google everyday 5x a day. I cant relax . Im to the point where i think my own thoughts are "voices". Today i was at subway and saw this girl staring at me and i thought what if she knows me what if shes conspiring against me than i thought omg no why am i thinking that way if you know shes not omg no im schizo omg. Those are my thought constantly. Its a battle in my head i will never be happy again. I envy my life how it was before.. My mind truly believes i have schizophrenia. I even google what the inset age for schizo and it says for woman it could be up to 30 years old now im scared even more!!! I honestly cant wake up with this fear anymore and if i do have it i cant bare leaving my boyfriend mother and brother like this..., i was diagnosed with anxiety but im not having anxiety symptoms like palpitatins or sweaty hands or trouble breathing mine is a mental... Im freaking out please help!!! Sorry i know it was long i just needed to let it out!!! My mind wont let me be happy it always tells me i have a mental issue. And derealization for me its big i see things differently and im always scared that this will be it i will no longer tell whats real and whats not!
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