I give up!

Hey guys today is the worst of the worst days im fully convinced im schizophrenic and its killing me im so scared inside i cant even handle it anymore. Ill give you some insight on my life im 27 years old and i was always shy and nervous child and i was always afraid of EVERYTHING!! My adolescence years were good ive always had some friends and my teenage years were even better got out of all my akwardness once i hit 20 i began hanging out with friends and getting into boys hanging out partying about this time i had my first big panic attack and i wasnt sure why this has happened to me i was so scared i was always an overthinker and negative thought began consuming me thinking i was going to kill my family and drive off a cliff it made me sick . After a while those thoughts and feelings disappeared and i was able to handle it. I lasted four years with barely any anxiety and began living my normal life again. Now last year all of a sudden i began thinking out of the blue what if i was to get schizophrenia i was so scared i couldnt handle i was so scared it gave me some depression.. That lasted three to four months than i was back to normal... Now its happening again and its back with vengance.... I had a panic attack two months ago because of my health now since thats out of my head im obssesing over mental especially schizo i cant help it. Its all i think about and google everyday 5x a day. I cant relax . Im to the point where i think my own thoughts are "voices". Today i was at subway and saw this girl staring at me and i thought what if she knows me what if shes conspiring against me than i thought omg no why am i thinking that way if you know shes not omg no im schizo omg. Those are my thought constantly. Its a battle in my head i will never be happy again. I envy my life how it was before.. My mind truly believes i have schizophrenia. I even google what the inset age for schizo and it says for woman it could be up to 30 years old now im scared even more!!! I honestly cant wake up with this fear anymore and if i do have it i cant bare leaving my boyfriend mother and brother like this..., i was diagnosed with anxiety but im not having anxiety symptoms like palpitatins or sweaty hands or trouble breathing mine is a mental... Im freaking out please help!!! Sorry i know it was long i just needed to let it out!!! My mind wont let me be happy it always tells me i have a mental issue. And derealization for me its big i see things differently and im always scared that this will be it i will no longer tell whats real and whats not! :'(


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31 Replies

  • Hi

    Sorry you are having a bad time. I don't have the answers to your question my anxiety always relates to a physical symptoms such as dizzy or chest pain or tight throat and breathing issues. Just wanted to reply so you know that you are not alone. 

    Take care. 

  • Thank you so much es27!!

  • Your welcome. I don't know what time it is in your part of the world it's getting late here so here's hoping for some sleep and a better day tomorrow. 

  • I felt much better since i wrote that long essay lol its just so frustrating you know... Over analyzing any little thing but I hope this is just a nightmare i will wake up from!

  • That's good that getting it out there helped you feel better. Keep posting I am sure as time passes people will come on who can relate to your post 

  • Hun...you will be fine. I do not believe that you are schizo. Maybe this will help. Anxiety is more than just "the jitters." It's an entire experience, with mental and physical symptoms that can be so severe that at times you may feel as though you're going crazy, and that your brain isn't working as it should.

    With symptoms like auditory hallucinations (hearing things that aren't there), derealization (feeling like you've lost touch with reality), and depersonalization (feeling as though you're on the outside, watching yourself), it's no wonder that so many people fear they're becoming schizophrenic. Rest assured, anxiety is not schizophrenia, and they are in no way related to the same disorder.

  • Thank you! I need to believe those words because this is such an unhealthy way of living i was such a happy person and now this you know :(

  • Anxiety is not schizophrenia, and there are two very easy ways to tell the difference:

    First, those losing touch with reality because of schizophrenia often have no idea they're losing touch with reality. That's because their brain is essentially not functioning correctly, and so it is unable to even process the changes that are taking place.

    Second, changes tend to be gradual, and they never go away. Those with schizophrenia may occasionally have a rare moment of clarity, but without medication their minds struggle to regain control of themselves. So not only are they unaware that these changes are happening, they also do not get a break from the symptoms for long enough to wonder what's happening to them.

  • Years ago I was where you are at in your life. I felt like I was going crazy...hearing the voices and just completely not myself. My first experience with anxiety didn't start till I was 32 years old. It comes and goes, but since I got medicine I am much better than I use to be. I think we get so caught up in life that we don't have time to give our minds a rest. Meditate, do yoga, and get on here and talk to us about how you are feeling. If you need anything let us know.

  • Yes since i found this forum it has been such a relief to know that many are in the same situation batteling different form of anxiety its just nice to know that were not alone in this.... The toughts are what kills me and my mind playing tricks

  • Sorry your going through this. But i understand. Not about the schizophrenia part but im scared ill loose control around the guns and knives we have in the house. 

  • Do you have intrusive thoughts?

  • All day. You?

  • Yes it feels like you cant get a break sometimes only time i feel a bit better is at night.... I heard if these toughts scare you there is no way that youll act upon it...

  • Ive heard that too. It just still doesn't ease my mind ya know? Ive never hurt a fly in my life, and know i feel like i can hurt anyone. I hate it. 

  • Deff i know what you mean at times im at work and i think what if i just hurt everyone here and just thinking these toughts makes me want to cry and run out of there but i read somewhere that this is a from of anxiety and the what if that we dont have a desire to do so but we think of all the worst case scenarios and that people that think this way and fear it are one of the most gentle and kind human beings which i think i am lol and you said you would never hurt a fly so there you go you are too lol

  • Its just so real when you see it playing in your head. I get that anxious pit iny stomach like im about to lose control... 

  • Do you suffer from anxiety?

  • Surely do. Im on medication for it, and it is honestly my life savor. These intrusive thoughts aren't an every day thing, I've had em for about 3 days continuously. And it triggers my anxiety. 

  • Well there you go... When i spoke to my therapist she told me that these thoughts are your anxiety talking it wants to make you believe that your this horrible person when i reality your not... And i believe that because when i dont feel anxious and when i busy doing something i like or watching a good show i dont think any of this...its so weird how this anxiety thing works they say its your friend because it tries to protect you but your enemy because it tricks you to believe things that are not true!

  • Im just scared i will hurt a loved one and have no remorse. It almost brings me to tears every time i talk about it. It jusy looks so real in my mind... 😢

  • I know but i can assure you that you wont rest at ease we will all get thru this... I am here whenever to talk i know im not in the best situation to give advice because im batteling myself but i think we can make each other feel better. We will keep each other updated!

  • Thank you. I will deff be here if you need me. I have a wonderful support family.

  • Thats amazing!! me too! Its nice to know that we have people that care

  • Hi I believe the fact that you are aware there is something going on is good.  A schizophrenic person does not know the difference. I believe Anxiety is to blame.  Try to get control when those racing thoughts come about, get yourself on a healthy diet and vitamin regimen multivitamin and maybe some extra magnesium.  Please consult your doctor beforehand.  It wouldn't hurt to run some blood tests and see if you may have  deficiencies .  Good luck to you

  • I already did and everything came back normal ive had almost everything done

  • Ok cool,  so try the rest of my recipe. Lol. And see how it goes🙏

  • Hi hun reading your posts and believe me your not alone 😊 last week I had horrible thoughts they even made me physically sick since then a feel anxious all the time. I recently changed tablets from clitapram to fluxotine so a asked my doctor if this could of caused it and he said yes but because of the way a feel now the doctor has upped my dose so hopefully a can get over this feeling cos a hate it. This site has made a difference too knowing people like yourself are going through the same and WE aren't alone we can find some dime light at the end of the tunnel 😊😊 

  • I hope so because the this fear has consumed me and it doesnt let me live!

  • Hi, just wanted to add that my anxiety, at its worst, caused me to think I was cracking up. The physical symptoms aren't the strongest for me, it's always the constant whirlwind of fear and negative thoughts. I basically obsess over the terrible what if scenarios...what if I'm going crazy, what if I'm talking to myself top much. What if so let my kids down, or hurt myself...  But these never happen....they are just terrible fearful anxious thoughts. The good news is that if you were going crazy, you would probably be the last to know...because you would be going crazy. The fact that you're aware of your thoughts, and you are freaking out about being schizophrenic leads me to think you're not losing it. Schizophrenic disease is very powerful, and one of the big ones. Why can't it be depression, anxiety, something more managable and not so debilitating? For me, I jump to worse case scenarios...like cancer or heart disease...(I'm a health anxiety guy) because those are the ones that will kill me and can't be cured mostly...it helps my negative line of thoughts. Anyway, i make progress every day...I focus on being more positive and relaxing.. I think you can too. Sounds to me like you have anxiety..plan and simple. Of course, go to the Dr. Be sure you're ok...get the help you need. I've been where you are now. And I can say that it does get easier, and I think you will be much better in the future. 

  • Thank you and i agree ive always been a worse case scenario person even when im at home i always need have to exit strategies just incase someone decides to break in lol.... I should be looking at life more positive ive just been looking at life so scary and negative and forgot how beautiful it actually is... Thank you again!!

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