I've had enough !!!

Help everyone it's me again the pain in the arse hyperchondriac in a nutshell I lost my mum who was my best friend and soulmate to pancreatic cancer 9 years ago she died in my arms in a very short time after diagnoses 7 weeks to be exact and wen she died my life spiralled out of control I am a mum to a 19 year old girl and a wife to a lovely man of 16 years. But after my mum died I ended up having a major breakdown I got diagnosed with bipolar P.T.S.D and severe health anxiety because every pain I get I automatically think I've got some sort of cancer and I'm gonna die quick . So the anxiety attacks crept in and I get episodes every so many months where I have serious anxiety attacks and it convinces me I have some sort of life threatening or terminal disease. Not long after I lost my mum my best friend who was 45 died of the same cancer my mum died of so I went off again thinking I was dieing. Now my uncle has been diagnosed with Miloid leukaemia and I'm off again so panicky with anxiety I think I've got it I know it's stupid and prob outrageous but I can't help it or seem to shift this feeling of dread I hate living like this recently my daughter left home and my husband is starting to get sick of me now he is saying there's nothing wrong with me and I basically need to man up on 16 years he's never said that I'm scared he's gonna leave too.. This is ruining my life I've had every counciling going I've even had cbt it works for a while then it happens again I just feel at a loose end I don't know what else to do with myself does anyone else suffer with these things 


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5 Replies

  • Hi it's hard I lost my mum to cancer 4 years ago she was only 51. And my dad had a heart attack 3 months later luckily his still alive. But his dad had one at 43 and died. And mums side all woman died of cancer. It's scary I'm the same as u constantly think about it think something is going to happen to me. I was fine never bothered me up till October just gone then boom. I'm currently sat here my heart chest pounding but to put had on there's nothing unusable. And thinking iv got mouth or throt cancer as I stopped when all this anxiety started (October) get strange feeling in my throat and touge feels swollen but it's not its awful. Unfortunately it's our minds playing games I just try to switch off to it all. I'm not on any Meds I didn't want them they just mask the problem. I'll ride it out one day hopefully I'll be back to my old self. Hope u feel better soon. Xx

  • I do and it's crazy hard. Both of my parents currently have cancer and I don't know if this is what has triggered my anxiety. Like you I worry constantly about my health, everything is a life theating in my head!  You're not a pain in the arse and you should never feel that way, you have been through a lot and nobody chooses to feel this way. :-) It's a vicious circle the more you worry the worse it gets but you can't help but worry. I'm trying to look at things differently and take one day at a time. The truth is if something is going to happen we cannot change it, so why spend every moment worring about it. It's something we are all in together and nobody knows what is waiting around the corner for us all we can do is push the negative thoughts to the back of our minds. If we become sick then deal with it when it happens, if it happens! Saying all that I do understand how difficult it is, I wish I could follow my own advice as simply as I write this but I am trying. Ignore the symptoms as much as possible and enjoy life, the more we do this a the easier it will become. I try to think of my anxiety like a two year old having a tantrum, we wouldn't give in to their every demand so why do it to ourselves. x

  • Know exactly how u feel I had 2 close friends die of cancer which I automatically thought I had it feel so spaced out had blood tests all come back and are normal it is all in out minds n unfortunately plays games with us n makes us like this hope u feel better soon 

  • Your so right the mind is a powerful organ and it does play tricks on us as awful as it is it's so not fair to feel like this be glad to get back to some sort of normality whatever that is thanks anyway

  • Thanks everyone so many wise words and we r all feeling the same so it definitely is our minds playing tricks on us I really do appreciate all this advice makes me realise I'm not alone xx

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