So it all began in 2014 when I landed my first real job. My job was to create a new website for the company and list products on ebay. Initially things went okay and I was getting into but as time went on I was delaying things and certain task wouldnt get done. At the end of it they thought it was best for me to leave.
In 2015 I got another job but this time in a pharmacy. Initially it was okay as I was new to it etc so they understood but gradually they expected me to get things quickly and get on with it which I wasnt used to. I never felt I was able to get the hang on things I lacked a lot of confidence in myself that I could do it. I also felt extreme stress doing things even if it was the smallest of tasks. I ended up leaving that job because I was unhappy doing it.
In 2015 onwards after this job my dad needed help making a website for his business so I did that. I got it done using a template and customizing that template. I got a list of products did a product photoshoot you could call it and uploaded them to the site. I always tried to make the website better all the time by getting feedback from friends etc. I also made some business cards for the company too. I updated the social media page on a regular basis and was really into getting it on the first page of google.
I also found during this time that I enjoyed taking photos of nature so I started doing that from time to time and I even made page on facebook displaying the pictures which people liked. Then I used the photos and put famous quotes on them and got it printed on a canvas which my family members liked so I was very pleased about that.
These few months really helped even though I didnt have a job I did enjoy doing it because there was no pressure and I felt I was getting somewhere in life.
Then I got another job with a company as a web designer but doing optimizating, managing content on the website, answering calls and inputting data. In this role it was okay initially again but I found that the more I got into the more I lost confidence to even do the job. There was no structure as such so therefore you kind of had to make your own in the day. I always unsure about what to do and I always scared about asking others as I felt what they would think and fear of confrontation. There were days that I would be sitting there doing absolutley nothing like a vegetable and feel that what am I even doing here. There were things to be done but I was doing any of it. Instead I was doing tasks which were unrelated to mine. I always scared and did nothing about it. I just left it as it was. So in the end they said that after the 3 month probation its going to continue. Part of me felt relieved because I would be out of the situation same like the other jobs but part of me was dissapointed because this was my 3rd job and I still couldnt make it work.
I have always lacked a lot of self cofidence and in any work that I do I cant seem to keep focused on that work and I have to really force myself to do it. I have always had this problem be it in school and just generally at home. It comes across as lazy but I dont if its lazy or ADD.
Has anyone had this problem and if so how did you overcome it?
Sorry that it was so long.
Thanks for taking the time to read.