I used to fear death but now

[Dodo777]

  I welcome it cant wait I have had it. If this is living bring on death because I feel nothing but pain and anger most of my life has been utter crap and now I cant even enjoy a cup of cold water or a fag. I know I will just sit here with a dumb smile on my face waiting for a heart attack or a stroke where some sick guy or woman can take their frustration out on me and batter me because that is my luck ending up not being able to move with some sicko looking after me because the government has cut care to the bone. There are much worse things than death people believe me just enjoy your health unless you have  a doctor saying you have a cancer or some clot just enjoy your health while you got it . There are so many wishing they had eyes or wanting like me a cup of cold water. Life is a bitch for most of us and then we just die.

[hamble99b]

I've read what you have posted  Dodo and I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I would love to be able to find the right words of comfort and the right answers to help you to be okay  again, but I can't think straight at the moment.

what you are thinking & feeling is not unusual for people with depression. they are powerful. 

would you consider calling the samaritans? they are there to listen. sometimes just having someone at the other end of the phone helps.

All I can do is reassure you that you are not alone anymore. thankyou for sharing with us, you have explained things very well. there are people on here who want & need to share & ask for help but cannot find the words . you have helped them and they too will benefit from any help & advice you recieve. Thankyou.

Please try and see your gp an counsellor if you have one.

if things get overwhelming, call 999 or go to a&e. 

People do come on here feeling as you do and, believe me, people can, and do, get better.

I hope that you will come back & talk to us. if I can, I will look in tomorrow evening.

regards,

hamble.

[Agora1 in reply to hamble99b]

hamble, your post was beautiful.  I'm usually not at a loss for words, but this

time I thought with my heart and the words couldn't be expressed.  Thank you for saying this for all of us.  

[Dodo777 in reply to hamble99b]

Had some fresh air and some water after waiting all day for esophagus to heal and taken more mads still feel entombed and could do with change if I had the guts. I am feeling more in control but so many negative things happening to me Getting me down. Thanx anyway. 

[Agora1]

Dodo,  I really don't know what to say to comfort you.  You are in a deep spot

right now that only a professional can touch.  Remember your nurse said to

call her anytime you need her.  Have  you tried reaching out to her.  I saw the

change in you coming and I was hoping I was wrong.  But I can see you are

hurting deeply.  You know your son needs you.  You can't give up.  When I first

talked with you in the forum I knew I had met a very kind man who truly cared

about others.  Now you need someone to care about you.  We are all here, waiting

to support you and listen to you.  You are not alone.  

[Hercu]

Dodo My dear friend....I know nobody can say "I know how you feel" We don't know how you feel and that is why I can only beg you to get help....as suggested by humble...

Please do not give up and try to push through.....!!!

[hairyfairy]

this is the kind of stuff that runs through my mind in the wee small hours when I can`t sleep. I wonder what it`s all about & why we bother about silly things like paying the rent, finding a job, etc, when at the end of the day it doesn`t make any difference, because in 100 years none of it will matter anyway.