Lost in life

[SammieXo]

Since I can remember anxiety had been a big part of who I am... I still feel lost in life because of it. I was a weird child almost like split personalities I would never like to go out and play if it was more that 1 of my best friends I was always more happy just playing with the 1 person which was a boy, I felt more comfortable and could be myself which was a hyper crazy kid who wanted to do dangerous things. I would always stay out and play all day and not go home until after tea time I hated being at home I felt no love at all. My parents would always be argueing putting there own issues first before me and would always end in violence as my dad struggled to live with my mums mental issues. my mum would never take me to group activites at nursery or school she suffered with bad anxiety and had loads of fears especially about what other people thought I think thats why I would feel unloved she gave me no attention or much love she was just always focusing on her anxiety and loved to control me and never let me make my own choices since my young up until I was a teenager she made me just feel fear to do and try things until I had no interest in doing anything even after school finished always feeling lost with myself!! So my childhood was always miserable I never enjoyed anything or felt happy. I still dont feel happy with myself and Im still withdrawn from social things even family... Im just managing to hold a job down but I do struggle everyday. I Live with my partner of 3 years now first time living away from my parents, my mum still has anxiety too and still likes to control. I do feel alot happier that I dont live with my parents but I still feel like that hopeless child who is lost..my anxiety is making me so miserable, I have no confidence self esteem or personality. I dontknow who I am really and it scares me.

Can anyone relate to feeling this way?

[jamie1975]

I can relate. As a child I felt totally different like I wasn't the same as everybody else alway thinking something wrong with me. As early as I can remember I had 1 good friend and that was how I liked it when a third person came into the picture I didn't know how to relate to it was easier 1 on 1. I kinda faded in the background. My mom was very protected of me and sheltered me . I think she was very insecure. I kinda took on other people's personalities because I don't think I had my own if that makes any sense. If my friend was funny and making jokes then that's how I would be but if I had a friend that was quiet and serious that's how I would act

[SammieXo in reply to jamie1975]

Yes thats how I felt all the time and times were I still feel that way. So why is the question?? My mum yes was the exact same way.

[denvajade]

I think you should talk with your doctor about seeing a psychologist who would help you work thru this. Wishing you well.