Whilst hooked upto a 12 lead ecg machine I started crying. In my mind i was dying. Also thinking about my methods of suicide for when I got home...I wrote a note and everything. You see I had lost 3 friends within the space of two years due to very bizzare circumstances...I felt like I was next. One of them took her own life due to depression (health anxiety depression) and yet just 4 hours of her taking her own life...we were uploading photos together onto facebook. She was so happy....why did she do it ? She did it because she wasn't happy...no one listened and felt enough was enough. Her family were and are absolutely devastated as you can imagine. I felt like suicide was the best option for me.
The day that changed my life is when my doctor turned around and said to me.
You're a healthy 21 year old Scottish girl. Your life expectancy is 89...do you want to live the next 60 odd years living like this ? That's when I began to settle.
No one knows that worrying about your health can lead to such catastrophic circumstances in your mind.
Doctors I find...even though Theres not much they can do...they are not understanding enough. " here's some anti depressants and diazepam...now get on with your day" as if it's that simple ?
One doctor refused to see my friend because she "was wasting his time"
I find that heartbreaking. I beat health anxiety...but my friend never..
On her headstone at the cemetary there's a picture of a rainbow. The day the doctor said "are you going to spend the next 60 years living like this" as I walked home...a big rainbow appeared in the sky.
I always took that as a sign...she may not be here in person. But she's here....in some way.
When you have anxiety or depression...never ever let people make you feel like you're nothing...as to someone...you're their everything.
Written by
hinhan07
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There aren't as many left now as there were when I was growing up and I haven't visited since I was pregnant with my 2nd child (he's 8 😮). There are a few in Kirkcaldy, one in burnt island and there's a couple left in cupar. We used to stay at Pettycur bay in between burnt island and Kirkcaldy so most were in easy reach xx
Been a looooong time since I had a strawberry tart and a meat pie. ..not at the same time tho! May be time to bring my kids up and introduce two of them to them. One was when he was up 😁xx
St Andrews is very familiar. I'll have to ring my gran tomorrow and see why. For a while when I was preschool and infant age I lived with my grandparents and they had a camper van. We'd spend weeks going round different places. There's so many pics of new in fields, on hills in little streams with wellies etc from it but I've no idea where they all are. The only thing atm that St Andrews makes me think of is an indoor market. It's pretty large but at the same time I'm thinking no its not its some where else. I remember visiting Glasgow, Aberdeen, Edinburgh lots as we had family there. Rosyth, Inverkeithing, Inverness, leven, Stirling. It's bugging me why st Andrews us familiar. There must be a reason but I won't know till tomorrow now. And as for where this market is I can't remember at all what it's called I'm now certain it's not st Andrews xx
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Breaking The Anxiety Cycle
I'm tired of my anxiety and everything else going on (any wise words??)
Stop giving Anxiety permission to make your life a misery.
To: People with health anxiety who google their symptoms
