I feel like I'm losing it...

[Panicmike]

So over the last few years many bad things have happened. I lost my grandmother, 5 dogs, my good paying job, and my girlfriend left me, which led me to get involved with a women who was insane. This girl would claim she was pregnant and threaten to commit suicide if I didn't stay with her. Within the last year I had three massive panic attacks and several anxiety attacks. So as you can imagine I have developed severe anxiety. I have had many different kinds of anxiety. loneliness, fear of losing a loved one, fear of not being successful in life, fear of failure, the list could go on. Recently its been Health Anxiety. Which to be honest has be the worst one yet. It started one day when I realized that my chest bone stuck out farther on my right side than on my left side. This naturally made me google what it could be and I came to the conclusion that I had breast cancer. Now I'm a 24 year old male, so the chances of me having breast cancer were slim to none, however, no matter how much I knew that, no matter how much everyone told me that it wasn't, I just couldn't accept that. So I went to the doctors, had her look at it and was told that it was just my bone. I did blood work while I was there and a week later was told that my bilirubin levels were a bit high, but not high enough to cause concern. I had no clue what bilirubin was so I looked it up. After looking at all the things high bilirubin could mean, I came to the conclusion that I had hepatitis. This made me feel terrible for weeks. I had always worn protection during sex so I was very confused as to how this could have happened. I called my doctor and was told if it was hepatitis they would have seen it in the blood work. she said some people liver just produce more bilirubin than others. I was relieved to hear that, and over the next few days I began to feel like myself again. Well that was until three weeks ago...

Three weeks ago I started having stomach cramps, change in my bowel habits, and several other things that immediately made me think it was colon cancer. I have been to two different doctors. One said she thought I was just constipated and pushed me off, the other thinks its ibs. I have no clue what it is, but no one seems concerned. My parents have gotten to the point where they think I'm overreacting to everything, and have stopped listening to me when I tell them I think something is wrong. I have become so obsessed with the fact that I have a terrible illness that I constantly look in the toilet after I use it, I constant check my body for new or worsening symptoms, and every time I hear something about cancer I begin to feel anxious and sick to my stomach. This Anxiety is driving me absolutely crazy. I have these ideas that every time I remember something I enjoyed from my childhood, its a sign, every time I bump into someone I haven't seen in a long time, that its a sign. I Feel like I'm constantly on the verge of crying. Dying is the last thing I think of when I got to bed and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I wake up with this very anxious feeling and I feel extremely jittery. I feel like I'm losing it....

[allnew2me]

You aren't losing it you have a pyscholigical illness called anxiety and it's an a$$ to have!

Everything you have said sounds totally normal for anxiety even to your parents thinking you are over reacting.

It might feel sooo real to us but it's in our heads playing with us giving us these thoughts and feelings. Personally I don't think anyone can understand this unless they have experienced it for themselves. How on earth can someoneunderstand that this massive worry to you that they don't consider to even need a second thought messes with us and gives us so many symptoms. It's totally irrational that we do it but incredibly hard to stop doing it.

did your doctor offer any treatment in the form of therapy or medication or both?

You'll find lots of people on here very similar to you with health anxiety xx

[Panicmike in reply to allnew2me]

No I figured I would work through my stomach issues, then I'll work on my health anxiety...

[Agora1]

Hi Panicmike. I may not be 24 but my symptoms, concerns and my life are the same.

I remember going to the doctor years ago because my rib bone was sticking out but I thought it was a tumor. When the doctor saw it, he smiled and said it's just your bone.

So like you I have gone through the worry and fear of each part of my body. I feel anxious all day like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Oh and mornings, the fear, crying and shaking is horrible. Knowing it's anxiety doesn't help, I don't want it anymore. So you see, no matter what age, anxiety does it's trick on all of us.

Take care, you are not alone.

[westcoast22]

Post is old, sorry! But just saw it.

High bilirubin may be associated with a benign liver condition known as, "Gilberts Syndrome".

Many patients with Gilbert's report anxiety as well as abdominal pain.

Again, I stress that there is NO correlation between Gilbert's and any immediate risk to your life or life-span. However, it sounds as though your symptoms MAY be associated.

You should check with another doctor and repeat a blood panel.

Hope you get this, or have found relief.

- W