I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling, but I've been socially anxious for as long as I can remember (probably started developing in primary school) but I was formally diagnosed last May after my brother died. I started CBT in the June and for a while, I thought I was getting better? Like I could do things on my own again and I'd made a couple of friends in my lessons and I was really happy. But now I don't know, for the past fortnight I've been feeling like I can't do anything, like I'm constantly tired but I'm too restless to sit still, or one week I kept having disturbed sleep and now this week all I do is sleep. I have no motivation for my project which I was doing so well in and honestly, I can't see my life after this last year at college. At all. No future, I have no clue of what I want to do, no clue of where I'm going after this and it scares me because I really think that I could kill myself before I hit 20. I've already had two weird dreams that end with me dying, which is weird because I usually don't have bad dreams? I've had two anxiety attacks in the past week. The other week I actually contemplated hurting myself. That's unreal, right, because no matter how low I've felt, I've never really wanted to do anything, you know?? Like is this just a slump? Do I give it some time, or...? I feel like I need to see my counsellor again, but he's been seriously ill, apparently and I don't know if I could feel comfortable with another counsellor. I feel like I'd just be wasting their time because there are teenagers out there who are worse off than me?
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