Anxiety is absolutely terrible right now..

Some background, I'm a 20 year old girl. I've had marijuana induced derealisation for about 3 years. Not much anxiety though. On Christmas last year I had a panic attack that was so crazy I ended up in the ER, absolutely positive I was going to die. Since then, I've been on about 10 medications, xanax being the only one that works (for the anxiety, not the derealisation). Right now I take 1.5 mg xanax a day (but it's slowly working less :c), and 10 mg of Brintellix. Anyway I guess my biggest complaint is that I am afraid of EVERYTHING right now, and I mean everything. I am afraid to die. Every thought I have leads to death, even thoughts that aren't health related. I'm scared to watch tv for fear of being triggered. When I feel any intense emotion it scares me, I think "what if there's something wrong with my brain right now? what does this mean?" Anger, sadness, happiness, it all seriously freaks me out. I feel like I'm not even human. On top of that, my physical symptoms are really bad. I am always really dizzy, since starting the brintellix. And I have muscle pain and neck pain, feeling like I'm going to faint, shakiness, and the horrible feeling of nothing being real. Sometimes everything feels so overwhelming I feel like I'm almost scared of being alive. It's so weird. Also I'm having bad brain zaps. I hate these because I have a horrible fear of having a seizure and they remind me of what it could feel like to start to have one. After almost a year of this, I'm feeling really hopeless. I've been through CBT and regular therapy, and seen 3 different psychiatrists. The CBT helped for a while but then I ran out of appointments covered by my insurance. I really need help because as it is right now I can't work or go to school, I'm not seeing any of my friends or family. Soon I'll have to move out because it's just me and my grandpa and he can't support both of us. Just the thought of that terrifies me. I don't know what "answer" I'm looking for, I just need to talk to someone who's been through this? I always feel like my anxiety is a lot more intense than what anxiety should feel like. I'm always scared I'm actually dying.

[Aazz]

I feel all the same things you listed the physical and emotional. I also get scared buy my emotions and being alive lol overwhelmed a lot by the smallest things sometimes. I also get the derealization it was so bad for about 2 months and I must say its improved but I still do get it however for those 2 months it was constant and I was so disturbed by it. After reading a really good article I changed my mindset which helped a lot I will find the article and post below I think it will help you.

The best thing you can do for both derealization/ unreality feeling and anxiety is to stay social and not hide away. The more you engage with the world the more normal you feel. If you are alone too much you have too much time to think and focus on all these feelings and symptoms. Even though you will feel awful for a while you need to persevere and stay social it's the best way to overcome it I feel.

Hope you start to feel better soon

[Aazz in reply to Aazz]

Here is the article medhelp.org/user_journals/s...

[snow-13]

How sad to hear your afraid to die, I wonder if you would look up Steven Furlick Running from your life. Cause thats what your caught up in. I truly admire your honest post and have been through very similar things but I started to change my mind about things. Honestly I no longer am afraid of dying, please if you can try give him a listen. I believe it will really help you.

You sound like your worrying about too many things. God wants you to be happy. Another great guy is Clayton Jennings What will you say x x

Hugs for you today x

[Hidden]

Hi

I am 49 years old and have many of the same feelings. I agree with what Aazz says, you just have to force yourself to do the things you would normally do. Then you will have more and more moments when you feel a little bit normal, even if it's just for an hour or so. I personally feel so much better when I am occupied/talking to people rather than on my own with my ( very horrible, morbid) thoughts. If people aren't around, even watching something light-hearted on the tv helps, I find.

Just wondered how you were doing since writing this ? Hope you've had some moments of calm.

(((Hugs)))