Out in public (need answers ASAP)

I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was in my early teens. I am currently unmedicated and have not gone to therapy in years, all for lack of resources and time. My living situation is highly anxiety inducing and causes constant stress to my mind and body. My boyfriend wants to take me to the fair, I am scared that I will have a panic attack from the overwhelming amount of hustle and bustle of the carnival. I don't want to say "no", but at the same time, I dread the possibility of being in such a trigger filled environment. What should I do?

7 Replies

  • Hi love I panick about panicking too never make any plans, my life is a spur of moment. But when I do go out I enjoy it sometimes I have a panick attack so I find a quiet spot and my partner sits with me, he is so thoughtful and understands my problem, a pair of loving arms soon sorts me out, and I know he wont let anything bad happen I've sort of reprogrammed my mind that he has healing hands and it works for me, my eldest son can do it too he has healing arms, maybe its just me thinking they have healing powers or maybe they do, or could be their love and understanding makes me feel safe. Is your boyfriend understanding maybe he could be your safety net. Id definitely give it a go, I know its seems a challenge but if you don't go and dont keep fighting this mother fxxxer of an illness it'll trap you in the house. My partner says if I panick and cant stop it we'll come straight back home this reassures me too 😊 hope you have a great time show this to your boyfriend. The illness isn't great for our other half's they suffer too if you let it. Take care I've had panick attacks for over 35 years and I'm still here. Xxx mandy

  • Thanks for the advice, Mandy. Unfortunately, my boyfriend isn't too supportive of my illness. He is simple minded, so when he doesn't understand something, he can be quite ignorant (more of a "I am upset at you because of your illness because it is ruining my day" kind of attitude.) I have tried to educate him about anxiety, but either he doesn't want to learn or he will retain some knowledge and it doesn't stick. The fair is this weekend and he says that this is supposed to be a stepping stone to "being a real and functioning human being" (I have been home almost daily for almost a year now and I don't get out much except for groceries and such) I just feel like this is too big of a step, seeing as being at a restaurant triggers my anxiety, imagine how a huge, open place like a fair would be to a homebody like me.

  • Oh dear 😞 lets hope he never has one, some cant understand the hell we go through and doesn't help when they make comments, we are functioning humans, just a few wires crossed thats all. My partner is an electrician I asked him for a new fuse board and full rewIre pmsl😅 I wish. Sorry my sence of humour to the bloody thing. I cant go anywhere alone but when I do I have support. His ignorance isn't going to help I'm always here if you need to talk or need to smile at my humour on our mixed up wiring. Xxxx. Mandy

  • Sketches and scribbles just wanted to say you are a real and functioning human being, don't let people knock what bit of confidence you have , words can hurt, especially when us anxiery lot suffer daily, we need support and the right words, to help us, does your partner suffer from anxiety /panic , of course you are a real person, you don't have to go to a busy fairground to be real and functioning , people say the wrong things and it can set you right back to square one.

  • I know people don't understand it's a lonely illness or condition whatever you want to call it,I found claire weeks book helped, it says in one of her book wait on no mood, easy said than done,I have felt dreadful and exshauted at times and I have said to myself wait on no mood and venture out, very very hard , but it's the only way, to move forward ,I am in setback at the moment due to severe stress over a medical procedure I went through,and I have sat in for days as I feel to tired to go out yesterday I thought I would go out with my trolley as I can lean on it and it gives me some support when feeling panicky, I was mega tired when I got home, but I think sometimes when we build ourselves up to panic we are thinking about it, and putting the seed of doubt in our minds before we go out. Have you sat down and explained how you really feel to your partner and how you need some support , even if they don't understand? What if you tried to go somewhere a bit quiter at first, other than the fair and then build your confidence up to venture out to places a bit more busier if you get what I mean, hope this helps a bit I know how you feel good luck.

  • When I was a bit younger and my anxiety was in one of it's 'wild and unmanageable' phases I found life as difficult as you do now. My boyfriend at the time, now my fiancée, would openly admit to thinking that anxiety and depression was a sign of being weak. As you can imagine, that was incredibly hurtful to hear, especially since I know that anxiety and depression makes a person stronger and more resilient; plus, I am not in the habit of letting people imply that I am weak because I'm bloody not and nor are you. When I spoke to my psychiatrist about it she firstly offered to speak to him herself during one of our sessions but then suggested that I explain the condition in terms that make sense to him. In some ways, the experience of mental illness can be viewed as a weakness, something in our heads isn't 'working' optimally and it causes us great distress. But, just because we have a weakness, we are not inherently weak. My fiancée has a bad knee, the cartilage has eroded away from years of long distance running and it sporadically causes him great pain. That is a weakness, but it does not make him a weak person. My weakness is in the levels of neurotransmitters in my brain. His weakness is in his knee. Perhaps an explanation such as this could help you explain your anxiety to your boyfriend?

    If you feel you can not bring yourself to go to the fair and your boyfriend can not comprehend your feelings and anxiety surrounding the whole situation then it is perhaps time to review your relationship in its entirety. In hard times we need those who are close to us to support us. Some people can change and will try their hardest to learn the how's and whys of mental illness. Other people will never understand and when you are already feeling vulnerable it is perhaps better that you move yourself away from people who are not prepared to support you. It is a big decision, but you have to look after yourself. Be willing to cooperate, to try and get better and make changes to help yourself, but also know that you don't have to put up with people making you feel guilty for your illness.

    Finally... Lots of people don't like the idea of medicating for anxiety and it sounds like you're quite young but honestly, you do not have to put up with this anxiety. Are you on meds? Have you explored the options available to you? I was once just like you with regards to the self-exclusion from society but medication made my life liveable. It's worth it. Xxx

  • I was put on meds when I was younger, I was in my early teens then and was just in the middle of middle school. Unfortunately, I am very small and my metabolic structure doesn't allow me to take high dosages of medications, and after several close brushes with nearly fatal self harm as a result of doctors trying me on different meds, I am hesitant to try again. My doctors had me on 150mg of Wellbutrin and Pristiq for about a month before it started showing bad side effects.

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