anxiety, depressed and the moved thing on the back of the head...yeah

four years ago my grandpa died on my arms.. i hold my breath and didnt cry. every thing start from there i guess.. i should have let it out. then break up with my girl and my parents did'nt let me down they've done it too. when me and my girl break up i hold it again... then something start change in bad to bad and worst ever. i run from everybody i've changed i became something different but thought time fix everything and will be everthing back to normal again like normaly should be.. but wasnt time is clicking and going worst i mean depressed and anxiety and start loosing friends and running from everybody and hate everything and in the end after a year with no result 'running' from my country and start work and exercise a lot waiting for the better wich wasnt coming, for a year, when in one day i walked in mall shoping and suddenly something moved on back on my head and everything came back to normal while i was walking (what to do?) didnt know why but everything was back to normal and suddenly moved back again to anxiety (f..k) then i went home and since then i got stuck on this to move by myself my head muscle but no answer and still something is not okay wonder what and couldnt concentrate on nothing for long even i do understand but something missing and i knew it. till one day after two years while i was watchin tv in my bed normal position and i focus to watch a movie when i say focus i tried to stay as relax as possible no movement of my head and tried not to blink wich seems to be difficult i focus most on that not to blink and same time focus on the movie so then start feeling to blink but i dont more and more and wasnt blinking and then from my eyes start come tear and i focus not to blink and kept coming tear until my neck and then i blinked then my tears stop coming but after i feel a bit better. then same thing happend in next few days twice in that day and felt like ...better. like im healing from everything. amazing. then next day again more times a day for a few days. and yh i was healing. hope it helps

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Hello

Holding emotions in can stops us from realizing the grief and pain we feel & you went through so much trying to stop strong that I am pleased you have finally started to let your emotions out , it can be good to have a good cry sometimes & there is no shame in it at all

I hope you continue with your healing & having better days x