Feeling Bad About Doing Well

I recently got published in a literary magazine and, for some reason, I was kind of angry and disappointed with myself for it. Instead of saying "yay I'm awesome" I said "well, this only proves that if you can do it then anyone can do it, so you really shouldn't think you're special". There have been other times where I accomplish something and I get mad at myself for it. I'm not sure why. I do know though that it's kind of discouraged me from chasing dreams or even having big dreams at all.

I grew up with my grandma before I went into foster care. My grandma always made sure to tell me she was proud if I did something well, but I still had genetically-induced depression keeping me form getting arrogant about it. As expected, people in my foster care experiences would shoot me down a lot and from there I guess it became a habit.

Does anyone else go through something similar? What do you do about it?

I still want to try perusing dreams or keep up with hobbies (I've had a few friends who wanted me to help them with their own comics since I have experience with self-publishing, technical writing and now traditional/formal publishing), but the depressing thoughts that sound like they should be coming out of my foster parents' mouth instead of mine is getting in the way of me having fun in life and even going places in life...

2 Replies

  • Hi there. I feel like this at times. I started seeing a counsellor and it's been great progress. I recommend going to one x

  • If something ain't wrong, hey something ain't right. I can definitely relate to that. Unfortunately I cannot relate to too much success but I can tell you that I will never be published in a literary magazine so that proves not everyone can do it. I'm impressed. I had a good day today, felt normal, and wondered "what is this?". I had to talk it through with my therapist :)

    You came out of a bad situation and are a success story. Please enjoy it. It sounds as if you know those old voices from your foster care experiences are wrong, you're telling us that. Those thoughts are lying to you. Try listening to yourself instead and believe the thoughts that actually line up with reality. I can hear from your post that you know what that is.

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