I’m worried about college

[DemureRose]

I think most of my posts on here have been about college or something related. It’s just something that is on my mind...pretty much always. So here is ANOTHER college post.

College has always been that thing that I looked forward to when middle or high school was overwhelming. It was this new, amazing place full of promise and new experiences. But as it got closer to senior year those hopes for college kind of died away or rather were suppressed.

I’m one of those people who tries not to get her hopes up for things. Time after time I’ve been disappointed and it has made me very hesitant to hope for anything. Why hope for something that will most likely not happen? Like I always hoped that college would bring new friendships or even maybe a relationship. However I’ve come to realize that I am not very good at meeting new people. Having social anxiety contributes to it sure but I think it also has to do with the fact that I’ve never had to introduce myself to anyone having gone to the same school forever. Now I’m stuck with the reality that I may leave college with no new friends and no relationships. My parents don’t have any friends from college. My older friends don’t either. Aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, they all have said they never really made any true friends in college. And most of them are very outgoing people! So where does that leave me? And I can’t even talk about it with anyone because my parents obviously can’t help much and my best friend is one of those hopeful folks who is 100% certain that college will be life changing and everything she imagines. Boy do I wish I could think like that.

I’m walking into college with no expectations and no hopes which I’ve come to realize leaves me with very little to look forward to. What else do college students look forward to? I mean there’s nothing there for someone like me. Parties sounds like nightmares. And I don’t drink, nor will I ever, so there’s I can’t use that as a distraction. Seems like college will be a disaster to me, any disagreements? 😂

[Damian]

I did the British equivalent and at that age I certainly wasn't a party animal. (I'm still not really, but I have got a bit more outgoing over the years.) There were a good range of people there. Yes there were the hard drinking party types but there were plenty of quieter people too. Looking back I think the hard drinkers were probably facing the same problems I was, it's just they dealt with them by drinking as so many people do.

In spite of being shy I ended up being good friends with a handful of other shy people. I can't remember who introduced themselves to whom, but somehow we managed. While I can remember some socially awkward occasions from that time, I don't think that was one of them. We probably just ended up talking because we sat next to each other in lectures, that sort of thing.

I'm actually still good friends with one of those people, but that's only because we still both live in the area. The reason a lot of people don't have friends from that time in their life, I think, is that people move away and so lose touch. They probably had friends at the time, but life gets in the way.

[Kainan]

Hey. I empathize. I never had to be the one to initiate or introduce myself either. It’s just something you gradually start doing and pick up on down the road as you are around more people. It will come. I didn’t know what to expect either out of college; though I had thought it would be a vast improvement over high school because that was such a nightmare. For me, it didn’t seem much different; the only thing that is that you have total independence. You will be on your own. You can do whatever you want or don’t want. Go to class or don’t go, which is what I did constantly lol. But that’s not good. Is this your first year in college? Basically, it comes down to what it is you want out of college. There’s opportunities to learn, meet new people, participate in activities, develop an interest, start a new group; the possibilities are endless. But you know you and what you like to do and are comfortable with. Always try different things and don’t just put yourself under one box, which is exactly the kind of advice I would give my younger self. Ask not what college can give to you, but what you can offer your community. I did not have that intention when I got to college, and do you know what I got instead? Years of isolation, depression and anxiety. So, live freely, enjoy, find new paths. And chose to do what you know is right. I’m sorry for the long post. What you wrote really resonated with me. I’m writing this to you as much as for myself

[DemureRose in reply to Kainan]

I really appreciate you writing this and I really appreciate your advice. I have plans do join some clubs and the university I’m going to seems to have a very good counseling service for anxiety so I will get involved with that. I’m hoping to meet new people and getting to form relationships with all kinds of personalities. I mean in highschool the smart kids don’t hang out with the jocks. In college there’s more of a chance of that. Sorry for rambling. Again I appreciate your advice. Thank you!

[Kainan in reply to DemureRose]

Yes. Definitely take advantage of the counseling services if you need it. That’s why they’re there. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need help. I hope all goes well.

[hitbyasegway]

Hey! So I'm 22 and still in college so hopefully I can help a little. Honestly, I wasn't looking forward to college either. I was never outgoing in high school, I didn't go to parties, just did my thing and went home. So it sounds like you're kind of how I was. With that being said, GO AWAY FOR COLLEGE. I stayed home and am a commuter, and yes, it saves a lot of money, but if you're able to get loans and scholarships to help you out money wise, go away! It's TERRIFYING to think about. But they have so many apps to meet new friends (bumble is one that you can use to literally meet new friends that are girls). Like I said, it's SO scary to do it. But I regret every day not going away for school. I missed out on so much. And you want to know a secret? Whether they admit it or not, everyone is scared about college. Even the ones who are about to graduate are just as scared as you are. Also, whether or not you stay local, join clubs, a sorority, something! Sororities get a bad rep. I was never in one, but I never met a mean one. And the connection ive seen between girls and their "sisters" is incredible. They really do all care for each other and want to help each other succeed. Sorry for the long post but I remember being where you are and I wish I had someone tell me all of this! Good luck with everything!! Enjoy it!!

[DemureRose in reply to hitbyasegway]

I really appreciate your advice. Though I agree that living at college would be better, I have decided to stay home. The campus is literally 5 minutes away and to live in the dorms would cost me 10,000 extra dollars. I pay nothing but my tuition if I live at home. Plus I am totally not a dorm person. 😂

But I definitely plan on joining some clubs and I’m hoping that will make up for me not living on campus.

[TAH2015]

I honestly felt the same way going into college. I didn’t have anything to look forward to, I wasn’t happy about 4 extra years of school, I found myself crying on the phone with my high school friend because I literally thought and convinced myself that I would not make friends. After about 2 days of sadness I found the BEST friends I could ever image, ones that were way better and more supportive than the ones I had in high school and honestly they were more supportive than my own family. Looking back on my college experience (I graduated in May) I’ve come to realize that college for me was much more than figuring out my career path. College helped me figure out how messed up my childhood was and made me learn how to be able to express feelings I had never been allowed to express. In other words it was more of the cliche “self explanation” and it was definitely worth it! I hope you find your niche, I’ve been missing my college days these last couple months!