old habit. meth.....

[SamDaHamm]

okay so im 18 . im a pretty good kid you know i got good grades alright attitude pretty involved with my highschool. well i was 16 and i was introduced to meth i loved it. i thought i would never stop .i continued use for about a month straight and then i would go weeks ,months without it . and just decide to use again cause i really liked it. i continued again till i was about seventeen the beginning of my junior year. for some reason it was really easy for me to find in very large quantities . so i started using alotttt.about six months straight and then bam. i got up out of bed for school i had been using all through the night and i went to the restroom and i started to hallucinate that my hand was abnormally larger than the other hand i started to panic ,long story short i ended up in the hospital on the way their i could barley stay awake i was seeing white flashes and i wanted to fall asleep i tried my hardest to stay awake .i really felt like i was dying.so when i arrived i told the nurse what ive done and she didnt seem so surprised she assured me i wasnt gonna die and as soon as she said that all the symptoms went away.and i went back home .i went to sleep till about 8 at night and i was talking to myself talking to faces i had made on my paper and really being crazy but ot myself .the n i started freaking out again i feared i had a blood clot in my arm and it was gonna go to my heart and i was gonna die and i thought i had stomach bleeding cause i was in alot of pain these thought went on for months . all the other meth highs ive had i had total control ive done more and handled myself very well.why not this time? why couldnt i keep my cool? ever since then ive had anxiety constantly thinking i was gonna die finding new things wrong with me everyday. its been 8 months now since then and my anxiety is still here .will it ever go away did i ruin my brain permanently? please sober almost nine months.