Black crow!

Help, the old 'black crow' (depression) is sitting on my shoulder!

I posted on here about 18 months ago about my partner going into rehab etc. Brilliant news, he's been sober for 18 months and goes to AA meetings every day, except Friday - which is 'our' night. I've been in my new job for 1 year but it is mainly office based (for a healthcare agency). Although the hours are great - 9-5, weekends off I miss the hands on care ,patient contact & being part of a professional team. I feel very lonely and feel very low. Didn't go to work today, said I wasn't feeling well. My ideal job would be working in a children's hospice - there are 2 jobs I could apply for. One where I live now & one near my family. I miss my family who live 250 miles away.

I love my partner but feel in a rut, his life revolves around AA which I understand is very important to him. But what about me? I suppose I'm feeling neglected to an extent. Time to talk methinks!

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3 Replies

  • Hi sue.

    The jobs working at the childrens hospices sound good.

    Why not talk it over with your hubby, see how he feels about giving you your wings.

    What do they say ? , a change is as good as a rest !.

    As for the black crow ,( I call it the black dog ) do you think that a streesful upsetting job like the hospice would be ok for you , considering your anxious state ?.

    Pete .

  • Hi sue

    It can be such a struggle trying to make decisions especially when we have anxiety or depression as a lot of self doubt can creep in sending us round in circles

    Sounds like you know what job you want to do & as you are at work a long time doing something you would enjoy would be a bonus , but the problem maybe is you are unsure in your relationship ?

    Would your OH be prepared to move nearer your family if you decided to take that job ?

    He has done very well getting sober as a recovering alcoholic myself ( 21 years since my last drink ) I know how hard it is to do so well done to him !

    The meetings do play a very big role in the early days of sobriety & even though he is 18 months sober it is still early days as it takes quite a few years before you feel confident in yourself that you wont turn back to the drink , the meetings help with that an awful lot as well as feeling like a safety blanket for quite a while

    Have you sat him down & asked if there is one meeting a week or every two weeks maybe he could miss as you are feeling lonely , he may say no as you are taught that your sobriety comes before everything else because without it you have nothing which is very true but it is worth explaining to him how you feel if you have not all ready , he maybe unaware of just how this is making you feel

    There are the al anon meetings for family & friends of recovering alcoholics as I know partners can feel left out & those meetings can provide somewhere for you to go & express how you feel & be understood , maybe you have been already or it is something that you don't feel you would like but thought I would mention it as something that could help

    I think you have done very well over the last year & with these changes you feel need to be made is causing you to wobble a little bit which is quite understandable but you are obviously strong dealing with your own problems & going through your partners drinking & early stages of sobriety so I sense you will do this to :-)

    Maybe make a list of positives for taking the job near you & staying with your partner & negatives if you do & the same kind of list with the positives & negatives if you take the job back where your family are & your OH doesn't come with you , sometimes by doing this when we see it written down on paper the answer can be there starring right at us

    Try & remember that above all you deserve to be happy :-)

    Good Luck & I hope you will pop back & let us know which if any of the jobs you took & how it is going

    Take Care




  • Thank you for your kind replies bepete and 1whywhy.

    Yes, having a wobble but feeling stronger and more rational today. I've looked up Al-anon and will start going to them, I think they will help me to focus on me! I need to build up my social activities and I am looking into activities, groups I can join.

    I will apply for a position on the bank staff of the local children's hospice and take it from there. I do enjoy work where I can make a difference.

    I will do my utmost to support my partner but I must also focus on my needs too.

    The black crow can fly away for now, it's not welcome!

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