This Years Love.

Afternoon all,

Well here I am almost 12 months down the road from my last major anxiety attack and feeling that I'm still in the same place that I was 10 years ago. Haven't gone forward or back. The highs seem better, but then the lows are much deeper and it just makes me feel as if I'm constantly swimming against the tide.

However the main point of today's post is a question. How has the recent change in the clocks affected people? I can honestly say that I have never experienced such turmoil in my world since 30 March. I have been in different time zones, but never felt as confused as I do now. My sleeping, eating, drinking habits are just all over the place and just too add to the problem now beginning to feel reclusive and again fighting depression.

Those little thoughts of why am I here and would the world be better of without me are creeping back. I need an outlet but feel so restricted in what I can do. You live the majority of your life outside and are physically fit, then bang! Walking becomes a struggle, standing sitting are uncomfortable unless everything is just so. Then the thoughts. There are so many out there worse off than me, they manage.I just seem to wallow in self pity, but then I have learned not to push myself as I used to. A simple DIY task took 3 times as long and I was still resting the next day with niggles, not direct 'Oh My God, I wish someone would take this pain away' but a tweak, a burn a sensation every time I moved.

I am awaiting my ESA medical. I wonder what they will make of me.

Weekly rant over.

Take care all.

Shalom

1b4bed

[Evey37]

Hi this is defo the place for a rant

[DogTrotter]

Hello there! I empathise with you. I keep a diary of my ups and downs and it reads like a Library of Rant and Pity. Definitely the clock changes do disrupt everything but I do feel the longer evenings, more daylight hours etc are a huge bonus. I know that when I am depressed it manifests as irregularity in eating / drinking / housekeeping habits. Everything seems to be in a bit of a heap, to be honest, and all of this chaos only adds to my sense of being under pressure and with life closing in / me feeling worthless and powerless. I have had a bit of a breakthrough recently though. I always read those articles that said 'Exercise raises your mood / helps cope with depression' and I would have yet another rant as the very last thing anyone who is depressed wants to do is go for a walk or run - getting dressed and going to the shop seems like a climb up Everest. Anyway, I decided to turn my life upside down. I've been living in the same way, doing the same thing and getting the same results for 30 years: Times of crushing depression, struggling to hold a conversation with anyone, no desire to go out and socialise. So my light bulb moment came on this very website. There is a link to Couch to 5K in 9 Weeks. I've been doing this now for 6 weeks. All of that ranting energy has been directed into this challenge and not only am I making my targets (so far) but I feel empowered. This coupled with TM (transcendental meditation) which I now practice has utterly changed my life. I've had no seesaw moods, have adopted a healthier eating pattern and reduced alcohol. I know that we all get into a comfortable groove in life and it might not always serve us well. If you can take one small step in a different direction (whatever direction that might be for you) then you will find yourself in a different place eventually. Imagine all the people who love you just wanting you to be happy and joyful. Be your own best friend and be kind to yourself. Very best wishes to you.