Children?

[silver_snow]

So I see a lot of you have kids but anyone who doesn't does the idea scare you? Thing is a lot of my anxiety is about the future and would I be able to cope with a family... When I feel ok I absolutely think I easily will be able to cope I just worry when I have 'wobbly' moments will I just be a complete mess and how could I do that if I had a child... Just wondering others thoughts on this....?

[Hidden]

Hi, Having my daughter is the best thing I've ever done!! I love being a mum. I've suffered with depression and anxiety on and off for 20+yrs, having it and living with it and knowing how to manage it with everyday life didn't stop me from having her. If I'm honest I did have doubts but we sat and talked about it. To be honest, if you have a moment, you just deal with it. But that's just me. Please don't let it frighten you from having children... They are the best thing ever:)) xx

[Paradox]

Hi.

I don't have children. I've always been concerned about having them, but for reasons separate from my own anxiety.

I have an intense fear of vomiting, and above all i'm frightened about the pain of childbirth.

I'm only young (21) so I have a lot of time before I get there. But I should be getting married to my boyfriend of five years either next September or the following April so its something I think about often.

We've discussed it, right now we'd be happy only having one child in the future. That's something I think I can handle. I just hope anti-nausea medication and epidural is available and helps me, haha.

I do think that it isn't wise having children at a time when the the illness is very severe. As in, you can't get out of bed.

That might be me being bias because my mother grew up with my nan not being able to get out of bed due to severe depression and anxiety. It really wasn't good, for my nan or my mother and her siblings.

However, its something for you and partner to discuss and see what happens. You could discuss this with your doctor too.

Good luck to you xx

[Hidden]

Hi

I have to be honest having my children has been the best thing that I feel I have done in my life & even though having to bring them up when at times struggling with my own problems , they also have been the one thing that has kept me going & I wouldnt change a thing

I think when you have a child , the love you feel for them your maternal instincts just kick in & some how you do manage or thats what I found

I also have known people that have suffered with anxiety & once they had a child , it helped them to over come it , but everyone is different

Now they are grown up , they are my best friends as well

Love

whywhy

xxx

[Hidden]

I do want kids, a funny thing worries me that I get very bad palpitations round about my time of the month when I get very hormonal and I worry that if I got pregnant then they would be unbearable but I don't worry about being a mum or anything cos I think I'd be a great mum.

I love my niece more than anything in the world and couldn't imagine life without her so I know I do have maternal feelings.

Xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You would be a great Mum

xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks you xx

[Gambit62]

I don't have children - bit too old now. Would have considered adoption but don't think I would have wanted to go through the whole childbirth thing - more the months before hand with all the medics treating you like a thing with a baby inside There was a period - early 20s where I thought I really just wanted to settle down and have kids but it didn't happen then and ...

A lot of not wanting kids is because of suffering from depression - not so much the anxiety ironically - and not wanting to pass that on ... but also because the depression does make life black and there's a bit of you that feels it must be black for everyone. My father also had a dark outlook on life - not sure why because he was a lovely caring man who did a lot in the community and was very focused on making sure that everyone felt valued - I think he had a very tough childhood but it is not something that he ever really talked about. He loved me to bits but only had children because my mother wanted children and I know he never wanted to be a grand-dad, which is another part of not having children but wouldn't really have been enough to stop me on its own.

My brother dotes on my niece and wouldn't be without her - think she was a bit of an accident on one level - as he didn't want children until he had her.

It may seem like a scary prospect but I think that there is a bond between a parent and child that would get you through that.

[Richi74]

I've never wanted kids. I think because I've had depression and anxiety since I was 12, and have never really been able to relate to people I find children as intimidating as adults. I have 2 little nephews who are lovely but I don't think I could handle being a mum. A part of me is scared I'd lose my temper and hurt them, another worry is that they'd be like me and I wouldn't want that.

However I think for others who really want children, the child-parent bond would be a very positive and powerful thing.

[deb123]

I had anxiety and depression from about age 12. Never thouhht id have kids. Only when I got to 30 did I realise I desperately wanted a child and having both my kids was the best thinh ever. I too have a phobia about being sick but never had any sickness with either pregnancy-God moves in mysterious ways!! It wasnt easy but with a great husband by my side I did it and would do it all again. Childbirth itself scared me to death but body/nature took over and just did it. However children arent right for everyone and I completely respect people who decide not to have them.xx

[silver_snow]

Thank you all for your responses. Its interesting to hear everyone else's experiences. I too grew up with a mum with depression but I wouldn't change it for anything as that is who she is and she is amazing! I have a very understanding supportive bf too so think i would be fine when it came to it... just worry about the future... as is the nature of anxiety i guess...

xxx

[hairyfairy]

I had a baby when I was 18, I was silly not to use contraception. I wasn`t aware that I was pregnant until I was about 4 months along because I had no morning sickness, I assumed that all pregnant women suffered from. I would have had an abortion if I`d found out in time, but instead I opted for having the baby adopted. I never regretted giving him up, because I knew even at that age that I wasn`t cut out for motherhood. I had my tubes tied 6 years later. I know that a lot of people are shocked at such an attitude, assuming that all women are natural mothers, but that just isn`t true. I think that it`s better to face up to that than give way to pressure, have kids, & then screw them up by being a lousy parent.