I'm sinking! Someone pull me up?

Solid depression for 6 months straight, when will it end? Wouldn't we all like to know. I feel so drained at the minute, and have done for so long, I don't even know what to write in this blog. I'm facing massive decisions and family stress at the minute, the entire family dynamic has gone haywire. Everyone is constantly mardy, I always put on a smiley, brave face when with them, then as soon as I make a comment, I get shot like I'm a complete bitch. I never lose my rag, even with the amount of problems I'm going through, but it seems everything is always my fault. I'm always made to feel isolated and guilty.

I now can't leave my bedroom at all, if I stand up for longer than a few minutes my head whirls and my muscles collapse, my heart pounds and it hurts, it's terrible. I want to be completely secluded, but my family don't understand that I'm genuinely depressed, they assume I'm being lazy and uncaring. I'm not uncaring at all, I sit in my bedroom all day, worrying my head off about whether they are OK. I fret about the past, present and future, after, during and before it has happened. I can't get out of this mad cycle, whenever I talk to a professional, they just tell me to exercise, do they not get that I struggle to even sit up in bed because I'm so depressed? It's not normal to suffer this severely and for this long, because it's not getting sorted out, I am just gathering more and more problems that are more severe than the primary issue.

I just want to summarize this and say I feel like a badgers backside. I want to lash out and completely lose it, I'm so angry with people, the environment and situation that I'm taking it out on myself, through confusion and frustration. This isn't how an 18 year olds life should be. Normality and balance please, sharpish?

4 Replies

  • Hello muffin

    You have found us :)

    Sorry hun things dont seem to be getting any better

    I wish I had a magic wand , because if I had you would be top of the list to make everything alright as I no how you have been suffering & feel there will never be an end to all this

    I no when you are older you can struggle with the thought that things will get better , so I can imagine when you are younger & suffering with this , it must be harder to believe , but it will

    How did the rest of your Birthday go ?

    We still had hair & clothes shopping :) DID IT GO WELL :O

    Hope you feel calmer now , hey what about talking to your American friend on XBOX ...you did say his voice always calms you down ;)




  • It sounds like repressed anger Muffin. You need to find a way to work some of it off. Have you tried punching your pillow and kicking the cat? People are very strange and families the worst of all. I generally find that the person who comes across as 'brave; or logical in a family situation is the one who is targeted. The others combine and take their anger and frustration out on you. It's just a release of emotion for them. Unfortunately you are not getting rid of your anger and that's what you need to do somehow. That's probably why the doctor suggested excercise. Can you perhaps just keep out of family arguments or is that impossible?

    I remember trying to intervene between a sister and my father over an unpaid debt to him. I thought I was acting for the best but it just ended up with my sister getting furious with me and hanging up the phone. Taught me a lesson.

    What I am trying to say Muffin is that your family is taking their anger out on you. Can you take yours out on them? It might make you upset but it couldn't be worse than it is now for you can it?

    Bev x

  • Ps. A lifebelt being chucked this moment :d

    Bev xx

  • Hi Muffin.

    Firstly I cannot imagine how one so young must feel , anxiety and depression is a terrible curse and I wish I could give you a magic pill that cured it but all I can give is some support . Have you tried setting yourself a small goal to achieve maybe just going into the garden.You seem to have a very active mind and unless you are doing something else it runs riot with you.It must be so hard for you but as others have said it can get better, I hope you start to feel better soon.

    Keep trying Kenny-w :)

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