Solid depression for 6 months straight, when will it end? Wouldn't we all like to know. I feel so drained at the minute, and have done for so long, I don't even know what to write in this blog. I'm facing massive decisions and family stress at the minute, the entire family dynamic has gone haywire. Everyone is constantly mardy, I always put on a smiley, brave face when with them, then as soon as I make a comment, I get shot like I'm a complete bitch. I never lose my rag, even with the amount of problems I'm going through, but it seems everything is always my fault. I'm always made to feel isolated and guilty.
I now can't leave my bedroom at all, if I stand up for longer than a few minutes my head whirls and my muscles collapse, my heart pounds and it hurts, it's terrible. I want to be completely secluded, but my family don't understand that I'm genuinely depressed, they assume I'm being lazy and uncaring. I'm not uncaring at all, I sit in my bedroom all day, worrying my head off about whether they are OK. I fret about the past, present and future, after, during and before it has happened. I can't get out of this mad cycle, whenever I talk to a professional, they just tell me to exercise, do they not get that I struggle to even sit up in bed because I'm so depressed? It's not normal to suffer this severely and for this long, because it's not getting sorted out, I am just gathering more and more problems that are more severe than the primary issue.
I just want to summarize this and say I feel like a badgers backside. I want to lash out and completely lose it, I'm so angry with people, the environment and situation that I'm taking it out on myself, through confusion and frustration. This isn't how an 18 year olds life should be. Normality and balance please, sharpish?