Since my friends have left school and soon going to uni i've pretty much been left behing (failed first year)

i dont want to get out of bed in the mornings or even just leave the house. The night before school i dread what the lessons are going to be like or just going to school in general.

I sit in the same place on the same computer in the commmon room and work. i cant take my mind off the fact that im exposed. this is the only place where i sorta feel hidden but i know im not. ive go nowhere to hide. i constantly have stomach cramps and feel sick because again im just exposed and id rather not be noticed and i preffer to be hidden.

because of all this im becoming more depressed and nothing interests me not even my lessons. i just seem to blank out and before i know it its the end of the day, everything feels like a blur and i just want to go home and sleep.

people have said ill make friends. but that matter is unlikely. i have made an effort in trying to talk to new people but they simple arent interested in becoming friends with me. im going to be spending the next year pretty much alone and blank.

i question why im alive sometimes.

3 Replies

  • Have you been to see a GP or spoken to anyone about how you're feeling? At the end of year 11 I started to feel like this even though my friends were staying on at 6th form with me. But what I regret the most is not getting help straight away, I tried to put it to the back of my mind and kept telling myself i was fine and it would pass. My social anxiety was quite bad. But when I started 6th Form for the first couple of months I actually enjoyed it! I only got anxious about one day a week. But after the Christmas holidays my anxiety returned, I would wake up in a morning feeling so sick and exhausted. This carried on until the summer, when i thought it would disappear after ive had a good break.

    But I was wrong even though I was fine throughout the summer (I went to Greece to visit family for a month) my anxiety came back as soon as i got back to reality. I went back to sixth form for my second year and told myself i would be fine, even though at this point i knew i wasn't. I'd even gone to see my GP and they'd referred me to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist Counsellor. I was mortified. But thought this would finally help me, but it was too late. In late October 2012 I just couldn't cope anymore, i felt so exposed, id wake up gipping with the runs and alsorts!! I was so ill, my best friend even started to notice saying i looked 'not here' which made my social anxiety even worse. My eyes felt so strained I could seem to focus on anything, i was living in such a blur, it was hell. Then I had a panic attack just as i was about to go into lesson i was out of breath, my hand went numb, and i felt as though i was detached from my body, i couldn't breathe, but managed to get the bus home, i thought id finally gone mad. But the next day my therapist said this was just a panic attack,but it really scared me!

    So after this i developed a phobia of even going near the school! I just told my friend I was physically unwell and they believed it. from october to january everyday i could'nt even get out of bed until after mid day, i just couldn't physically move. I actually thought i was going mad. I would get terrible headaches and night tremours.

    I never went back to 6th form and worked from home. I'm much better now, even though my anxiety can still get quite bad ive been having a phased return to 6th form with my CBT therapist who really understands me and does'nt make me feel stuipid. I've started going out with friends again which i really missed and it;s nice to actually enjoy it!

    My next hurdle is going to Uni in September which im scared i won't be able to sit in lectures in case my panic attacks and anxiety start. But trying to think positive.

    Sorry for rambling on! Just want you to know you are not alone and things do get better! The best thing to do is to see your GP and not to be scared! :)) Over the years my GP didn't listen properly so make sure they hear you!

    Let me know how you get on :)


  • I havent been to my GP. i got reffered to my school nurse by the school for councilling sessions and i had about 4-5 and then she said see you next time, but there wasnt actually a next time. i think she gave up or forgot about me like everyone else.

    To be honest im actually scared to go see my GP i dont want them to think i'm just causing problems or wasting their time.

  • What about if you went to a different GP? When I finally took my mum to the GP with me that is when they referred me. At first I got treated like you, but you just have to make them listen or nothing will happen. :)

You may also like...