I just can't get well.

[Nothingelsematters]

I am so depressed and anxious, I really want to just die. I have tried antidepressants, exercise and still getting therapy but I am sinking deeper into indescribable torment. Been ill for over a year, spent 2 months in hospital getting ect and antidepressants. The anti depressants made me worse. Just started taking Liothyronine , I can feel anxiety getting worse. I have to take diazipam to stop myself from losing control and getting severely agitated, screaming, crying. Total despair, loss of hope, dread, loss of any interest, no pleasure or enjoyment. I feel so alone with this misery. I just can't face life.

[Shnookie]

so sorry you are going thru this. You are very brave to have come here. If U live in U.S. please call 988 Suicide Prevention Hotline. I’m here 4 U

Hugs 🤗 S

[Nothingelsematters in reply to Shnookie]

Thanks for your reply. I will try and get through another day of this hell going on in my head.

[blackcat64013]

I am feeling your pain in your post. I am here alongside you as a person who has hard to treat depression, previously referred to as treatment resistant.It doesn't matter what it's called. It still sucks to have it. I try to make it through the night and then the next day. Repeat.

Talking to someone who understands helps. I have a small mental health crisis which lists a couple of people who have given me permission to call them 24/7 which is a great help. The alternative is the number Shnookie mentioned.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

[RLSSCARER]

Maybe seek support from the restless legs syndrome group, medication isn't always what they crack it up to be, many health problems come from infection causing Encephopathy, a build up of toxicity can cause extreme mental problems, treatment for different infections, like ural for urine track infections, anti fungi for toe nail infection, antiparasite medication and antibiotics are sometimes needed to reduce manipulation of mental health problems, when we treat infection we reduce toxicity that causes oxidative stress in the brain.

[Arabianhorselover]

I do suggest ruling out anything physical.

[Nothingelsematters in reply to Arabianhorselover]

Hi Ariabianhorselover,

Had a brain scan and lots of blood tests but nothing showed up. I react really badly to antidepressants, extreme anxiety. My anxiety and depression are severe already. Sometimes I think I am loosing my mind. I have lost all interest in life . I can't feel joy or happiness. No interest in previously loved hobbies. My illness has and still is very hard on my family. They find it difficult. I feel so guilty about being ill. I try to force myself to exercise. I try to hide how I am feeling but I can't keep it up long.

Wish it would all just stop.

[Arabianhorselover]

Is there any way that you could possibly maybe do some volunteer work to get your mind off of yourself? I'm sure it would help you.

[bethelbee]

I see you tried ECT, was there any improvement at all? I became treatment resistant to meds after many decades on them and my therapist recommended TMS(Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). For me it was a life changer and life saver literally. I had 3 rounds; the positive results of the first two each lasted about 6 months and the third is still working after just over 3 years. Perhaps it is something you could discuss with your doctor. Obviously as with any treatment results vary, for some it doesn't work, but may be worth a try. Wishing you peace of mind.

[Nothingelsematters in reply to bethelbee]

Hi bethelbee,Thanks for your reply.

Yes the first four ect sessions seemed to have positive results but then they put me back on fluoxitine and continued the ect. I just got steadily worse for a few weeks, then was put on vortioxitine . Got worse and had to stop vortioxitine and ect after 12 sessions. I was left on lithium and diazipam at the start of the year. I have been taking 10mg of Liothyronine for a week I think it has increased my anxiety and now I have gone up to 20mg. Not sure I can handle this anymore. I could ask about tms. I use the flow tDCS head set but have felt no benefit after a few months of use. I still use it just incase it starts to work. Liothyronine is a thyroid medication that is meant to help with depression even if your thyroid levels are ok. It is 08.39 and I feel only dread about life and can't face the day. I have had to take ill health retirement. I can't muster the power to get into any routine I am just a pathetic hopeless case. Constant thoughts that I don't want to carry on living. Think it might be better for my family in the long run.

[jikreamer]

you’re not alone. I will be starting my first round of ECT this week and I’m hoping that this will work for me. Hang in there you’ve got this.

[Agora1 in reply to jikreamer]

jikreamer, wishing you well with the start of your treatment this week xx

[Nothingelsematters in reply to jikreamer]

Hi jikreamer thanks for your reply,

I wish you well with your treatment. It seemed to help me the first few times. Are you on any meds ?

[Headinjuryhypo1]

This is very much outside the box, but have you ever had a head injury, or even a concussion, at any time in your life? I say this because head injury can give rise to growth hormone deficiency and other hormonal problems (by damage to the pituitary gland that produces them), and this can cause terrible depression and suicidal feelings. Antidepressants and talking therapies have no effect because what the body is crying out for is replacement growth hormone. The good news is that once you have replacement GH you tend to feel life is worth living again. Sorry if this is entirely irrelevant to you . . . I feel I have to say it to everyone because our son died by suicide and this is one of the things we learnt afterwards. More info on the Pituitary Foundation website and also our own charity Christopher Lane Trust. I do hope you get some help which works, in whatever way.

[Nothingelsematters in reply to Headinjuryhypo1]

Hi, thanks for your reply. I had a brain scan but nothing unusual was seen. Very sorry you lost your son.

[Headinjuryhypo1 in reply to Nothingelsematters]

Thank you for replying, and your sympathy. Actually, pituitary damage doesn't usually show up on a brain scan (was it an MRI?), so it's still a possibility. Less likely if you haven't had a head injury/concussion but other things like a tiny pituitary tumour (adenoma) can cause it too. Or a haemorrhage when giving birth - but this is assuming you are female and have children, quite a stretch!