Hi. I have suffered from social anxiety my whole life, and wanted to post about something that has really helped me recently.
I have not been socially anxious in every environment, I have often been fine in some scenarios, but in high school, in later office environments etc, I have often felt incredibly anxious. Whilst I am fortunate to have a lot of friends, and a very loving wife and family, I consider my shyness has still undoubtedly cost me multiple friendships and relationships throughout my life, as I found myself withdrawing and simply being unable to be myself. I have tried to push myself, and also tried multiple techniques and methods to deal with social anxiety over the years (hypnotism, self help and professional CBT, Kalms medication, mindtricks, etc). CBT helped, but I still had moments of extreme anxiety (almost like a social terror) and still struggled on a continual basis. I always tried my best to be kind to myself by acknowledging that I am just a fundamentally shy person doing his best, but the experience of social isolation, and regret at continuous missed opportunities, was hard.
During a psychological wellness seminar at work recently I first heard about the work of Dr Carol Dweck, and her book Mindset. I was interested enough to buy a second hand copy. The book would be useful for people in a variety of contexts, but I was attracted to it from a social anxiety perspective. In simple terms Dr Dweck's work deals with the idea that people have either a fixed mindset (believing abilities are innate and unchanging), or a growth mindset (a belief that abilities can be developed through effort and learning). (I used AI for that description, it seems pretty accurate!)
For me, in simple terms, I am now finding myself rejecting the above idea that I am just a fundamentally shy person, and instead I am trying to think: it doesn't matter if I was a shy person last week or last year, I don't need to be that person today. I am trying to break free of my old way of thinking, and realise that I can continuously improve - basically, my shyness doesn't need to curse my forever.
I have recently changed job and fortunately work in a far less oppressive atmosphere than my last role, which has helped my social anxiety a lot. But the above change in my thinking has also been really really positive for me. Maybe I will struggle again in future, but I think I will always now revert back to thinking that I can change, and grow, and be better in future, regardless of my past struggles. In other words, I don't feel that because I was socially anxious that I will always need to be socially anxious. As someone who has been a lifelong sufferer, it has been very liberating, and I would therefore recommend Dr Dweck's book Mindset (I went for the updated edition) to anyone who is struggling with shyness and anxiety.
Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far into my post. I joined this site specifically so that I could share my experience - it feels like something of a breakthrough for me personally, I therefore felt it would be positive if I could share it. I would be delighted if even one person benefited. Thanks again, and best wishes.
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