Trigger Warning - Struggling Everyday

[In-Shadows-I-Hide]

Every day that I wake up until the moment that I go to bed at night, I'm depressed, stressed, and filled with a ton of anxiety! I also have PTSD, OCD, and ADHD!

I'm made to feel small by those who are supposed to love me and care about me. They make me think I'm not worth anything in my house besides the cleaning, laundry, packing, etc. That's my worth—chores!

I just had a session with my therapist, and all that I did for most of the session was cry. It took a while for me to turn the waterworks off.

I cannot allow my past to define who I am today. If I do, I will be playing the victim. I am constantly at war inside my head. I fight not to be a bitch daily, but it's hard. I am just now getting the therapy that I needed when I was raped various times and hit multiple times to the point of near death. I have honestly had so much happen to me in the past. Abuse of every single damned kind you can imagine and in ways that would belong in a horror movie.

I may be just going in circles with this post at this point. I am sorry. It's just my way of venting.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry for what happened to you, it's life changing... and I'm glad your in therapy to start the work it takes to gain back your power. I think once that start's happening...and you learn boundaries because you refuse to be treated less than... things will start to get better...

I learned to say 'no' to being treated less than.... I also learned to say...if you want it done, do it yourself, I'm nobody's maid.

Hang in there... one day at a time....it will get better....remember: nobody has the right to treat you with disrespect.... no one.

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry for all you are going through - that is a lot of trauma and stress to deal with. I hope the therapy helps eventually. I like tapping meditations if you haven't tried them. I just do the free ones at their web site or app: thetappingsolution.com/

[Midori]

I have CPTSD, but I can control it now. I find it healthy every so often to get into a temper with my Amygdala (lizard brain, primitive brain, whatever) and give it a good cussing out! It's the part of the brain where our primitive instincts reside.

I was for many years the victim of my late husband, a vicious drunk and narcissitic as could be. Eventually I ran; with my kids, because I could not allow them to be brought up thinking that spousal abuse was 'normal'. He suicided, rather than face his demons.

I brought up my kids solo, my daughter is married and I am a grandma, but I don't see them as I now live nearly 300 miles from them. They don't attempt to contact me.

When stuff gets too intense, I try to go out into the country, and scream and yell in the woods or the beach or somewhere hopefully out of earshot of people. I find if I can tell it to do one loudly enough, it will leave me alone for awhile, and let me get my sanity back.

OK, I still sit with my back to a wall, even at home, and I hate my kitchen as the sink is in a dark corner diagonally opposite to the door. I'm trying to save to have it refitted.

Cheers, Midori

[Fearnoone]

Reading your post brings back so many sad memories. I’ve been thru exactly what you’re going thru. I just was ready to go to sleep and never wake up. For me my wife’s tears kept me from that, it not from the suffering. Finally my psy found the right cocktail to get me by. It’s never easy, but u can do it.