A Help That I Need Most ? Part II

[TNEJ]

"The More I Dreamed the More I Feared what the Future Be"

As after the whole morning incident we return back home at night around 5-6pm at evening and i have some lite snacks and I slept that night so peacefully. As it was the last night of my life sleeping peacefully, after day tomorrow I started having slow reactions of all the yesterday problems that I feel like choking my breathe , feel something is holding my neck so tight , my head like exploding and day by day same things repeated and from that day at night I never slept that when i lay in my bed i started to have panic attacks and feel like if i slept i will die. The day started like that I shared all the problem with my parents.Everyone was unaware about what happening until my mom one day sees an ad about mental illness and similar incident of mine in that . And After that i started googling all the things and found out that i had anxiety but i cann't admit the things that I was suffering from Mental Illness.

As my mind was doing all the trick and i was admiting that i will die. I checked my BP all the time , I started doing exercise, trying to make my mind occupied but nothing was helping me unil one day when my dad and we took a long hike around 20km. At that morning i was feeling heavy and my mind was continuosly saying that I can't do that trek , and as keeping that feeling side I started journey until walking upto 5-7km uphills my mind exploded and PANIC ATTACK hits again back after 1 months. I barely can move from there to any other further I feel so down and so embarrassed due to there were other peoples also that they might have felt that I may have gone mad. From the spot I returned back from there with my two little brother by hustling and bustling.And that day my mom took me to the hospital after I suffered all a months and nothing was helping so she took me to physician. And I satrted to share all my problems then he write clinically "YOU HAVE AN ANXIETY WITH MILD DEPRESSION" then he prescribed me Oliza 5mg , Inderal 10mg and some benzodizapine 0.25mg for a month.

As in summary what i have suffered in all this months what my feeling was , That constantly as I wake up my mind was racing like a horse nonstop, I was visualizing worst scenario what will happen , As If i die like this who gonna look after my parents , how will i succed in future with all this kinda a life , how can i survive. My mind was running all like horse and at night neither i can sleep or eat, While eating I feel like Choking and my breathe be so thin that i will suffocate while eating. I run my mind so much that my Anxiety was much worst experiences at that time I even dont crush my enemy to have that kinda a pain.

I am sorry for adding my past cause I forget about the sites name and I finally found it today. I will share the after medication How My life is running story.

[Phoenix1992]

Your english is very good TNEJ. And you describe your experiences brilliantly. Please continue to write your life story. I hope this site helps you.