Out of touch with reality...

[sadandloner1]

When im sober I realize how much I don't fit in with my friends and everybody that I surround myself with. I never know how to communicate with them when I'm sober. But when I'm drunk, I feel alive, and present.

[Agora1]

Hi sadandloner1, the reason for feeling this empowerment is what the alcohol does to

your brain. It doesn't take much for the brain to react to alcohol depending on your size

and the amount you drink and the time you drink it in.

As the alcohol goes through your body, you become more dehydrated and that is why

it's suggested that you drink water between your alcoholic beverages.

Being able to socialize and feeling confident is due to the "feel good" hormones known

as Dopamine and Serotonin. But this reality is short lived before you come crashing down.

It is a healthier option to feel more present and alive by working on yourself and your

self esteem issues with a therapist. Reaching for a drink in moderation can be okay but

reaching for it as an answer is not. xx

[sadandloner1 in reply to Agora1]

Now I understand. I don't have a therapist though

[Agora1 in reply to sadandloner1]

sadandloner, I'm sorry you don't have a therapist.

We have no formal training in therapy and can only support you.

I do feel that all you've been through needs to be addressed by a professional.

You're so young to have experienced so much pain.

Is there anyone you can turn to in order to advise you in getting help?

Wishing you safety xx

[sadandloner1 in reply to Agora1]

Not really, my family is very non understanding. They wouldn't get it at all. The thought of talking about my thoughts seems very painful. I don't think my thoughts would make any sense

[Agora1 in reply to sadandloner1]

I'm sorry dear. I wish I could help you. xx

[sadandloner1 in reply to Agora1]

I'm okay

[casablancalover14]

Yes, drugs and alcohol can make us feel like a different person. But when you get sober, you realize that the problems are still there. I wish I had the solution for you. Are there any groups close to you that deal with trauma and anxiety?

[sadandloner1 in reply to casablancalover14]

I don't know, to be honest.

[casablancalover14 in reply to sadandloner1]

What area do you live in?

[sadandloner1 in reply to casablancalover14]

I live in South Africa

[casablancalover14 in reply to sadandloner1]

I'm not sure who you would need to contact there. Maybe you can start with hospitals and see if they have groups that you can join, with others like yourself. I wish we could meet, then I could recommend places for you.

[sadandloner1 in reply to casablancalover14]

It's a shame we live in different parts of the world

[casablancalover14 in reply to sadandloner1]

Yes, we live many miles away. I hope you have some good moments today!🤩

[fauxartist]

Many decades ago now, when I first got sober .... I, too, noticed I didn't fit in with my old drinking buddies....that's because I wasn't drinking. So...I had to find different buddies to hang out with....sober ones. I realized there really wasn't much of a friendship to find at the bottom of a bottle...just emptiness...and so too were those old friends...just empty vessels really.

[sadandloner1 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank youL

[Yogibear11]

Maybe you have ADHD or Autism. Or maybe you have trauma and need EMDR

[sadandloner1 in reply to Yogibear11]

It's trauma, I think.

[Blearyeyed]

It's really good that you have spotted this pattern before alcohol becomes a bigger problem for you , so well done.You are young.

Have you had the same friends for most of your life?

Often , as we grow older as much as we love our old friends we can have less in common with them. Our interests might change we may not find the same things that our friends find interesting are interesting to us anymore.

We can start to go quiet because our friends may be louder or more dominant in our social group and so we don't feel confident to start conversations on things we like that they don't talk about, or we don't ask to do things that we would like to do and stick doing activities that our friends are happy doing.

This is when we might end up turning to drinking more in a social situation, like a crutch , to help us forget that our friendships aren't very fulfilling or make us feel left out and to numb our feelings and make it easier to join in on things that we find more boring, or don't really enjoy as much as we did before.

Look at your friends , you love them , but do you have much in common with them anymore?

Look at what you and your friends do , do you really enjoy those activities, are there other activities that you all enjoy, or some of you enjoy, that you could do more often that don't involve alcohol ?

Look at your situation , could you find ways to start conversations that you'd enjoy during your time with friends that could help you all connect more so that you don't feel like you need a drink to take part?

Talk to your friends about how you feel and that you are worried that you need to drink alcohol to join in with them and ask for a bit of help. Ask them to help you join in more without a drink. Tell them about things you'd like to do or talk about that you aren't yet. If they are real friends they will understand and help you.

But if you find the main reason you need to drink in this situation is because you are so out of touch with your friends , and you can't cope with just following their lead and going along with the usual old things without a drink , still spend time with them but less of it , and only in places without alcohol.

Also consider finding new friends or groups who enjoy talking about and doing things you'd like to do that means you don't feel like you need a drink and you are happier and feel you can connect more with the people you are with.

If you still find that any situation causes you to feel you must have a drink no matter whom you are with , find some local help , either some therapy or a support group or try some recommended techniques from an online mental health organisation to help you and make social situations easier.

You could also speak to your GP if your own changes don't work or you also feel disconnected, anxious or that your mood and mental health needs more professional help.

You may just need more help to get through any past experiences you have had , just because it's in the past doesn't mean that it isn't affecting how you can cope or feel , you need to time to heal and skills to be able to get passed how trauma can act like an obstacle to you doing what you want now.

Take care , you will find a way through what you are feeling, Bee

[sadandloner1 in reply to Blearyeyed]

I haven't been friends with them for a long time, I didn't really have friends before them. I'm more of a homebody, introverted, don't really like being around people. I befriended them because I wanted to be like other teens my age, going out, socializing. But it's not working for me, I only seem to socialize when I'm drunk.

But thank you.

[Blearyeyed in reply to sadandloner1]

Well , you can always chat to people here or in other more local support groups online to get to speak to people whom understand.Lots of us find it too peopley outside.

Lots of us have done the same as you in the past to try to get out more and make friends.

But if you find that all it does is make you feel uncomfortable or need to take part in negative behaviour like getting drunk you've just not found the right social setting or the right group of people yet.

What's great is you have realised this isn't working out and posted her to talk about it.

Opening up , even online , still takes a lot of bravery.

Are there any small social or support groups you could join near you locally that might get you out and talking and socialising but with people you could connect to more , or in an environment were you don't feel you'd need to drink to feel confident to join in?

What sorts of things do you enjoy doing?

Do you like any types of sport or physical activities?

Do you like being creative like writing, art or crafting, or even watching films?

Are there any small community groups that you could join that do volunteering or walking or meet in coffee shops ?

You've just started out trying to make positive steps into the social world , you don't have to stick with the first group you meet if that isn't making you happy.

Take slow steps and try other choices in your own time , you'll get there in the end.

Hugs , Bee

[sadandloner1 in reply to Blearyeyed]

I like singing, I love music. I used to write poetry. There aren't a lot of things going on in my area.

[Blearyeyed in reply to sadandloner1]

That's a shame. Are there no choirs or singing groups near by that you could join?

Sometimes churches have singing or music groups that meet at the church but you don't have to go to Church or be a believer to join.

Or a poetry group or open night poetry readings at a cafe?

Even a poetry group or a poetry course online or at a local college my be something you would like?

I know you've been through a lot , so I realise finding a group which you feel safe at is important.

An interest group may be a better place to start making friends or a group for women only at first.

Going out and drinking or in a drinking environment probably also isn't helping to make you feel as secure as you would like to be and that will have made you feel even more shy.

[sadandloner1 in reply to Blearyeyed]

Singing is just a hobby, I don't intend on singing in front of people I don't know.

[secrets22]

I was the same with alcohol, i thought it gave me confidence, but in truth it made me look silly and yet i knew people were laughing at me behind my back. Its now many years since i drank and i'm betterfor it.

[Blearyeyed in reply to secrets22]

Well done for sticking to your sobriety, it must be very hard and takes a lot of strength to do it.

[secrets22 in reply to Blearyeyed]

I actually didn't find it hard at all, but i did put on weight with chocolates and sweet stuff.

[Hest321]

I don’t know you but I think you might benefit from going to an open AA meeting, at least to listen. Not saying you’re an alcoholic but those feelings are similar to many folks in AA. The program offers tools and fellowship that teach people how to cope and deal with those feelings of loneliness and isolation, without having to take a drink. There are meetings all over the world, in person and online. And they do have meetings in South Africa.🤗

[sadandloner1 in reply to Hest321]

I'll check them out

[Hest321]

Hi sweet sadandloner1, I’m not pushing but I looked up South Africa meetings and have a link if you’re interested. I used to drink too so I can relate to those feelings; learning coping skills other than alcohol helped me so much! Hugs to you