Having been born in 1950 and entering military life in 1967 I served until 1982. So I missed society for my entire 20's. 2 years after leaving the military I was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and acute anxiety. This has been controlled with medication for most of my life. Now I find that I can no longer relate to the new generations including my own children. I feel modern technology has replaced compassion and real life understanding. Today's society is so reliant on their pocket computers they can no longer express empathy or any other emotional feelings. This of course is only my opinion but as a result I have become somewhat of a hermit since my darling wife passed suddenly a year ago. Now because of my deep feelings of loneliness all my symptoms are coming back. My medications no longer work. My doctor appears to have given up on me. My family as well. Makes me wonder if maybe I have lost touch with reality itself. I said under my breath my new years resolution is to be not here at the end of 2024! And that has me quite concerned. I'm alone and dreading each day. God help me.🙏
Feeling totally out of touch with tod... - Anxiety and Depre...
Feeling totally out of touch with today's society
I think you are right Kiltyman. Everyone is just on their devices all the time and there is no time for face to face communication. Im so glad that we have this site to support each other because if not things will be so hard to get someone to talk to. I remember when I was a child we use to live in Mexico, it was fun because there was a lot of people on the streets having conversations. When I came to the US, wow everyone was inside watching tv and the only places you would see people will be on stores or in the mall. However, everyone was minding their own. Yes, today is harder because of smart phones.
But, aren't you using a smartphone now?
Don't you think that, today, life is harder for other reasons too?
Smartphones can be used for good purposes too.
Thank you for your compassionate response! Exactly what I was talking about.
?
Sorry, that reply wasn't to you. It was to Blue 81 & just making a point.
Have only just seen this response after replying to you.
I didn't want to spend time on it as wanted to reply to you.
Smartphones have their pros & cons.
It depends on how their used - the user.
They can be used for good & helpful purposes too.
Are you in UK and I was thinking of Day Centre might be an idea - I don't know about USA but they should have something for your generation
Do you gave any activities or hobbies you enjoy? Joining clubs and volunteering at related events is very helpful for feeling more connected to people. (I keep telling myself this although I admit that Inam still working on implementation.)
So sorry for your loss of your Precious WifeYou must be grief stricken . It's still very early days. I can't imagine how you feel.
When my eldest brother died suddenly at age 55 I was horrified that the world just carried on like nothing had happened. I thought the world should stop & at least acknowledge this horrific tragedy and injustice.
My mother was distraught, bereft.
My husband supported me in my grief & this enabled me to support my Mother in her grief.
It's really sad to hear that your family members have given up on you .
You say "God Help me " and I believe he can.
When no one else would / could help me -
He was the only One to help.
I hope you can find a way to take each day one at a time - each hour.
Please be kind to yourself
Kiltyman,
That's a really poignant post I'm glad you shared. It is true, these devices, as addictive as they are for so many of us, act like a social cancer in many ways. People are overwhelmed by them; sometimes we just need a pattern interrupt and some help to get off of them. I feel as it sounds you do, that we just need some kind of help in society and individually with this. I know I do. (I'm a 47 y.o. lawyer, and I have the damndest time getting off of my own devices personally, let alone my kids). My dad was a Viet Nam vet (ret. Navy Captain), and I tend to feel privileged when I have even a passing encounter with one of you folks who've helped defend and protect us. Thanks.
I can also understand your loneliness, which his at epidemic levels in our society (I divorced last year, and while have some new relationships, I can only imagine losing your beloved wife).
One thing I would highly encourage, is to see if you're able to talk to a good therapist. The VA has some that are excellent and can help work small wonders. One good thing technology can do is make a videoconferenceing experience much more accessible around time and distance.
In the meantime, thanks for posting here. I'm glad I came across it today. Hang in there.
I wasn't in the military but I do know what you mean about people being different nowadays. I was wishing my life would end last week but I'm still here. I understand that feeling and I don't know how we can get rid of it. I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow and hopefully she'll have some insight. I hope you can get a therapist. It helps to talk face-to-face with someone.
I'm glad you're still here. You are Precious
I do miss being out and about like the old days. Waiting in line for movie tickets. Hanging out at the library. Shopping at brick-and-mortar stores.
I worry for the younger generation. It's a mix bag though. The younger kids seem to be finding ways to adapt. It's definitely harder for the older generation.
Technology isn't entirely bad. Look at us here. 40 years ago, none of us on here would've connected. Many of us are posting from different countries. It's kind of amazing too.
Don't give up. The world is changing, always has, always will. We just have to figure out how we fit into it.
I understand what you're saying. It's the fitting in that is the challenge . And being a "boomer" doesn't make it any easier. Now I sound like I'm paranoid. Life was so much simpler then. Maybe I just don't want to fit in. I'll have to work on that.
Hi there; I'm a 'boomer' too!
Circa 1948, and boy can I resonate with what you have said! Every week it seems as if the language has changed; I cannot get to grips with everything online (I stalled at Windows XP!)
And don't get me going about SmartphonesI, I will Not put it online; as long as I can make and take calls, text and take the occasional photo, it's enough for me!
Welcome to the Community. pull up a chair and have a cuppa!
Cheers, Midori
Why should we "fit in"?We're all unique & valuable
I remember the old days when you queued outside the cinema to buy tickets as well!
It was nice being around people back then.
Oh no listen you are not out of touch with reality. The fast paced internet gadget crazanity comes with a price. Definitely peoples social skills are impacted profoundly and sometimes I question if it has also increased anxiety and depression struggles for people. Maybe focus on some small goals to get yourself back to your baseline of comfort or content. Things like setting up socialization opportunities even as simple as interacting with one human while running an errand. Saying hello to people while on a walk, passerby. For the doctor issues address the doctor, inform him or her what you are needing and if it’s possible for them to be more on board and attentive. Lifting you in prayer. 🙏🏻
Thank you for your thoughts. And you are right. I used to be so positive about life and it seemed to all change when I list my wife. I knew I loved her dearly but I really had no idea how much until I list her. So it's just being alone for the first time especially this time of year. But like they say " if it is to be...it will be up to me".
God rest her soul. She’s with you guiding you. Just take small steps and you can surround yourself with that positivity again. 🙏🏻🙏🏻hugs.
Too much isolation is never a good thing. I would try and connect with other veterans in person or online, I'm sure they understand exactly what you're dealing with. I know a lot of people feel the same as you about society, probably young people as well. I try to find places and people with positive energy, even if its going to different stores than usual, each place is different, certain places just feel more positive and welcoming, I try to seek those out and I try not to judge others too harshly but it can be difficult
Thank you. And you are right. I do notice when I grocery shop I go out of my way to say hello to any stranger. I never used to do that. But somehow it makes me feel better. I hadn't realized that until you mentioned that. Thanks! I need to do more window shopping.
You're welcome, I have an older friend who regularly talks to strangers when she's out and about, it's a good support for her
@Kiltyman, how are you feeling today.
I can relate to what you have posted in your message. Some children or young adults think because they are the child the parents need to do all chasing after them to see if they are well, to find out what is going on in their lives. I only found out that my daughter had move into a new home a day before she moved because she wanted to store her fridge items in my fridge.
I suffer from severe mental health and I'm under the NHS Mental Health team in the UK. They have been supporting me now for over 32 years on and off.
Please don't give up, try to get out into the fresh air or rain.
Yesterday I was having bad thoughts and I need to snap out of it. It was raining very hard, so I went and stood in the rain, got sopping wet. I felt so much better, I'm sure my Nabours though I had lost my mind.
Let me now if you ever try standing in the rain and how you felt afterwards.
Take care of yourself, we are all here to support you.
Thank you for your kind words. Here in Canada I'll try standing out in the snow now😅 and if it feels good who cares what anybody thinks! Maybe we are the only truly sane ones.
Hi. Yes I can relate very much to what you say and I think us older people can.
It has made me think about my parents generation and now I understand where they were coming from when they said similar things.
Its inevitable in some ways as we are no longer part of the workforce and society moves on without us.
We are a recognised group though - us baby boomers so my advice is to join an over 60's club and start connecting with others our own age.
I think you are still grieving the loss of your beloved wife and its only been a year so cut yourself some slack. Living on your own after so many years of being with her is one hell of a shock too.
Lastly technology is a great thing so do what I do which is to take what you want and need from it and leave the rest.
All the best.
Omg, your post brought tears to my eyes. First I would like to thank you for your service and give condolences on the loss of your wife. Grief is a process that is different for everyone, so keep in mind that it has only been a year, and compounded with the holiday stress, your depression is completely understandable. I agree with the previous post suggesting you reach out to groups of your peers with similar histories whether through the VA or other means. The fact that you posted here is a good first step.
Second, I totally understand your perception of our changing world. Technology has its place and progress is inevitable but also comes with a price. There is so much ageism in our society that it has become commonplace for seniors to feel anxiety and isolation . Please remember you have value to society, your family, and to God even when you are in a dark place. Try to focus on the present moment so you can be open to your higher power and become a vessel for his work. You have much to offer in the wisdom and grace you’ve gained throughout your life. Just by reaching out on this site you have touched others, and technology helped make that possible. Treasure your memories and set goals for the future no matter how small, but hold your focus on the present so you can see the beauty around you and feel your wife’s presence within you. Take each day as it comes because an opportunity for adventure may be right in front of you. Or maybe just a chance to smile or laugh.
Thirdly, we are all on this forum for basically the same reason . Life can be so overwhelming and while I give advice to you I struggle with similar feelings. Please don’t give up. We are here for you. 🙏
Thank you for your kind words. So many have responded with such good suggestions. I do feel much better. And that's because of people like you. God bless you🙏 And I hope you have a blessed day🙂
Hey, Kiltyman
I hear you one some points but the further we withdraw from folks, the less likely we are to understand them or feel any connection. You mention the benefits of saying hello to a stranger in a store, whether we like it or not, we are social beings, had we not grouped and shared knowledge we would not be on line talking. Two years ago when I was bottoming out, I kicked myself in the ass and went to volunteer as much as I could at a homeless shelter her in town. It was fantastic, that do good feel good do bad feel bad chestnut is repeated ad nauseum for a reason, it works. I took my 15 yo daughter there and it helped her develop the kind of empathy that allows her connect with virtually anyone, pretty amazing.
I wish for you you peace and connection in 2024.
Thank you. Your thoughts make sense. I guess it's time I kicked myself in the ass instead of wallowing in obvious self pity!
So sorry to hear about the loss of your wife, it must be so hard for you.
Every generation is the same, as someone in their 7Os , we didn’t have a black and white tv until in was about 10, no telephone , no car, I remember my Mum having a twin tub washer for the first time after having to use a gas boiler and a wringer, now we all have automatic everything ! Everything is moving even faster now , and it’s difficult for us “oldies” to keep up lol, all we can do is go with the flow , good luck .
Hey there Kiltyman
Thanks bud for all that you have done in your life for others. It takes a special person to be like that.
Fitting in. Well I to am struggling with that. I ve been somewhat successful in life, but have always felt a step off from others. Have tried for the life of me to get not only my kids but family to understand how to wrap their proverbial arms around me to help with my challenges with no success.
Lost my wife about a year ago and here is what I’m doing. Went onto to a dating site and met a nice gal. Someone to talk with. Someone to hold and hold me . It won’t replace what I had but we are so good for each other. You know a friend. . She lost her husband to a sudden suicide years ago.
We have discovered a wonderful church together where we have joined a small group of people our age. I’m 67 she is71. We both have a service heart so volunteer opportunities are now being presented. Something where we can not only bond with other like minded believers but to help some that also are struggling in some way in this world.
It helps to not only give me purpose but to see that there are all types of challenges out there for many and that if we somehow can pull together we can all be alright.
Unfortunately I’m not able to receive that from my own family for whatever the reason, so I’m trying my best to find it through God’s direction .
So many awesome suggestions posted on here. Such an amazing group. A loving family !
Go get em Kiltyman!! There is a place for you!
Much love man
Thanks for commenting. I think maybe I will try a dating site. I'm so tired of being alone. But I feel like I'm cheating! You know I'm worried about the guilt. Last thing I want to do is lay my problems at someone else's feet! I'm a true romantic and miss the company of a woman. Wish me luck.
I feel you on the cheating feeling. It took me a bit to get past that. The way I moved on from it was thinking what would we want for each other if one was gone, until we meet again.
In my case she told me I’d meet someone nice and that would make her smile.
Loneliness wasn’t on the list. Being okay was.
All the very best Kilty!!
Hello and welcome, Kiltyman
You are far from being the only one with such feeling of being "disconnected" from the society, mostly youngsters.
My daughter-in-law is 22 years old and, until very recently, not only was she self centered, her whole brain standed into her hands, within a "smart" phone. I say until recently because she's had money and "human" issues those last weeks, and it made her reconnect to reality. To what day to day is made of.
I am not saying that it is good to have problems, this is not my meaning. I mean that once they grow up and face the "real life", I think those handheld brainers are getting a little bit more human, and much more connected to reality.
Now what ... Do we have to let things change on their own ? I don't think so. It is our work of "adults" to re-educate them that what books, movies, painting, exhibitions ... are and how nicer and more interesting they can be when they are well chosen. It does not mean that any book or any painting you are interested in will be of interest for others. It is what I usually call "seeding seeds of culture and let them grow".
When I was a kid, dad and mom let us all - my bro and sis - touch, open, read, look at all books in the home, as long as our hands were clean.
Isn't there a bit of truth there ? You can only become better if the entry point that will make you feel that way is cleaner.
And, you know what ? Who's the entry point ? Us, the previous generation !
Hope I could help a bit
Love from France
O
I want to say I am sorry to hear about your loss, and I want to thank you for your service. Having been raised on a farm and being around nature and animals, I think I feel similar to you regarding technology. My best friend ever passed away almost 2 years ago and I often feel like the world has outgrown me. I will hold you in prayer, that you find happiness. 🙏🙏🙏
I thank you very much for your prayers. God bless you🙏
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