When it Rains.....

I was finally doing so good! I decided to go on a little trip after my last suicide attempt, work being unreasonable, etc... I was selfish for trying that, id never do it again... But the clouds came in around 2 A.M. , It's so hard when you try for little things, but even those go wrong...

Couldn't get the top to my tent up.Everything is soaked, no blanket... And things were going so well. I came out here to write but even my journals got wet... My new book.... Everything else

Going to try to dry off and sleep in my car, so much for this trip....

Needed to vent, cuz this is getting ridiculous...

[ElephantsHear]

hang in there! It’s tough. Sorry- no good advise, but I wanted to tell you I hope the sun comes up soon and that you’re precious to the world and to God.

[Hidden in reply to ElephantsHear]

I really appreciate this thank you so much. I'll remember the kind people when it gets dark...

[catsrock]

That sounds very frustrating. I hope today is better.

[Hidden in reply to catsrock]

Thank you, I appreciate it

[Tabby-5]

I don't think it is unreasonable to take time for yourself. What a horrible trip though, everything that could go wrong sounded like it did. I am sorry that it wasn't an uplifting trip for you. You mentioned your last suicide attempt does that mean you have tried before? Have you not been able to find something that works for you to feel better?

[Hidden in reply to Tabby-5]

I got a hotel and things got better! Finally had a good couple nights...

I was doing really well, but I have O.C.D. (It's not a cleaning thing.. heh) and it's actually really resistant to meds. I was trying to stop my Clonazepam with Drs, and we decided it's best to stay on that since it does help... Just gets some people's heads turning because it's a controlled substance. The antidepressant a Dr switched me too gave the dark thoughts a lot more substance... I started whipping myself bad... Then the belt got around my neck another night and I think I messed myself up a bit.. That was a while ago.

My new Dr. Is fantastic, she got me on the meds that did help (Pristiq, Clonazepam,) and she doesn't prescribe it, but knows I use medical marijuana to relax sometimes. Finally finding a good Dr again really helps... I've seen over 12... So even though I tried to give up twice, it really didn't feel like me.

So anyone reading this, please keep trying. It might get darker, but the feeling of regret is always so strong after.. And we want you here... Don't be afraid to get second opinions, but be open if things feel off.

And Tabby, thank you...!

[Tabby-5]

This is very uplifting to read Blue Type, I am so glad you got a positive turn around. I too am tapering off of a medicine I have been on since 2018 , Seroquel. I too have had seen multiple Doctors, some were belittling towards me and made me feel worse. I struggled with over 20 different kinds of medications and you're right the thoughts got darker on the meds. I do now have a wonderful doctor. My goal is to not have to see a psychiatrist in the future I am just tired of all I have gone through and the other treatments besides medications. I just want to be myself again without medications that have made me feel so ill, suicidal, and confused and thoughts so distorted in my head. I wonder why and ask God why this happened to me why so much suffering and why millions of people suffer with this illness. I haven't got an answer but I keep moving forward just like you. So glad you are feeling better!

[Hidden in reply to Tabby-5]

Slipped up again, but still trying. Your story sounds a little similar to mine, at least with trying so many meds. I was even on Seroquel as well. Here's to little wins in the future