today was so bad

[frailstateofmind44]

finally laying in bed after a horrible day and I really could cry thinking about having to go back to work in 12 hours. I hate being there and not a single part of me cares about what I do for a job. this entire day felt so heavy and miserable and I really don’t think I can take another one like it tomorrow. the anxiety and racing thoughts would not stop. I also found out some extremely tragic and devastating news and haven’t been able to get it out of my mind all day. I’m supposed to be this grown functioning independent adult but I miss my mom and she’s on vacation halfway around the world right now. I don’t have anyone else here for me except my ex I’m in love with who’s emotionally unavailable and refuses to be in a relationship with me despite us still regularly seeing each other. I’m completely wasting my time and yet I think about him nonstop and have to beg him for the bare minimum. this was so all over the place but that’s truly how I’ve felt all day, just scattered anxious and depressed. I want to wake up tomorrow and feel better but I’m not too hopeful right now. goodnight x