Still in a lot of pain.

[Riley2001]

I am really hurting. My anxiety is paralyzing. I have no one to talk to about it. I see a therapist every 2 weeks. I am fearful for my life and sanity. I went to church yesterday and had a better day. If I could only go to church every day. The smallest tasks are extremely difficult. Then I go to work on myself for being lazy. I am living with my elderly mother, and it is pretty miserable. I feel nothing but resentment. Not sure what is best for me right now. I am just reaching out to the universe. Trying to find some hope.

[gajh]

I am sorry you are suffering. I am glad you are reaching out. I hope you find some hope.

[DeepSounds]

you’re gonna ge through this , you said you wish you can go to church everyday you can there’s some many sermons you can watch on YouTube right on your device God is always near and he will never leave your side you gotta trust in him and believe in him I just was speaking to someone about how I almost had anxiety attack in public and I just started talking to myself encouraging myself that I could get through this and my friend said u sound like David in the Bible he didn’t give up he kept fighting and you too shouldn’t give up keep fighting keep praying I’m praying for you this too shall pass . Also take your time with yourself your doing the best you can and sometimes that’s enough..

[Riley2001 in reply to DeepSounds]

Thank you very much for your prayers!

[IlMinded]

Hi Riley2001, I am sorry that you are going through this. I know what you're going through, not exactly but close to it. You need to remind yourself that it is ok that you feel like you're struggling. Taking care of elderly parents are not easy. Can a loved one or friend help with your parents so you can take time off for yourself? This works with a family friend who is dealing with advance alzheimer with his wife. He swears that if it wasn't for the little breaks he gets, he would himself lose it. So first, if you can, take time for yourself. I notice that my symptoms get worse when I am tired, both physically and mentally. You need to make sure you are eating and sleeping properly. I know everyone says it, but its true!

The next thing is to generate sympathy for yourself. Give yourself credit for all the work you are doing. You're not lazy, you just don't know what to do! Your anxiety is affecting the way you think (this I know for sure as it happens to me). Think of the things that make you act out, like getting frustrated at work. I work in the EHS field, so I am constantly telling myself, "I am a pain to work with because I really care about the people I work with." Having that mentality will take time, but you need to switch from negative thoughts to positive. This is something that you can work with your therapist with.

An analogy that hits home for me, when discussing anxiety, is that its like a cup of water with a hole in it. The cup filling up with water is your anxiety level and the water coming out the hole is how you relax. Too much anxiety and it throws you into a panic as the cup is overflowing. Give yourself some credit and allow that water level to come down.

Not sure if you are dealing with GAD or SAD, or both! One thing I found out is that my therapist (who is amazing) could not get me to open up. I decided I need to change the way I am. My feelings are not because I have a problem, but more because my traits, the emotions that make me me, are the way I am. Figuring out that there is nothing wrong with you is the first thing to focus on. The combination of the cup and understanding there is nothing wrong with me, I was able to get to a point where life is returning to normal.

From you conversation regarding church, it sounds as if you need time to yourself to think and assess what is going on with your life. Try spending 15-20 mins a day where you are comfortable and just let your mind go. I recommend bringing a book to write stuff down if you do this!

[Riley2001 in reply to IlMinded]

Thank you very much. I went and just sat in a chapel today for 30 minutes and I think it helped. I will do it again.

[IlMinded in reply to Riley2001]

Glad to hear that is helped! Maybe give it some time doing that daily, even if your not saying prayers, just to isolate and think!

My favorite place is going to a local park by the river. Pull up, lower windows, and just listen and relax. People talking, moving water, moving trees, and the birds singing really makes it nice to get away and relax for a few minutes.