Strangers/workers at the house.

[EricJones]

I'm at the height of my paranoia right now. There are workers at the group home that I am in and they are making tons of loud noises and making me paranoid because I feel trapped. I feel if I go close to them, I have to speak to them or that they'll look at me funny and judge me. What do I do, how do I get over this fear? How do I manage whil they are here? How do I think differently?

[Turnipgirl]

My advice is to see about being out during the hours they are there if they upset you!

[EricJones in reply to Turnipgirl]

No. That's not realistic. I'll have to go home at some point.

[Vonus5591]

Speak to the people you know and just say hi and then you can go to your room

[EricJones in reply to Vonus5591]

But I can't always avoid them. There isn't anything wrong with them. There's something wrong with me.

[Vonus5591 in reply to EricJones]

Just talk about weather, look on google for todays weather in London/area and talk about or news. But just small talk can help, doesn't have to be for long time

[Agora1]

Hi Eric, Vonus5591 is right...Just say "hi" and go to your room.

Believe me workers will appreciate you not standing around talking

with them. They've got a job to do in a certain amount of time, so they

will be happy to just keep working. xx

[EricJones in reply to Agora1]

That's reassuring. Thanks, but how do I get over my fear of them?

[Agora1 in reply to EricJones]

I wish I knew Eric. xx

[Turnipgirl in reply to Agora1]

One thing to try is to sit down to have a think about what it is exactly that upsets you and why about the situation and go from there which I have found helpful when dealing with irrational fears as I'm fully aware these things are irrational but can't help it when fear strikes!

[worthytobeloved in reply to Agora1]

Brilliant reply!

[Charlie-mg]

Eric, if you don’t want to talk to them. put your headphones on. They’ll assume you can’t hear them and will leave you alone.

[EricJones in reply to Charlie-mg]

I'm going to wait until they leave before I leave my house.

[Charlie-mg in reply to EricJones]

lol, ok that’s fine for today….no worries, baby steps.

[EricJones in reply to Charlie-mg]

Yeah, I just can't seem to get past my fear of their opinions or looks.

[Charlie-mg in reply to EricJones]

They are focusing on their work. thinking about when they can get out of there. Any opinion they might have of you last about a second in their mind. The thing about paranoia is that you’re uber focused on things that don’t matter, it hinders your ability to be your relaxed self. I know how frustrating this is for you but I sincerely believe you can get over this by exposing yourself slowly to these triggers. Headphones and sunglasses are a way for you to ‘practice’ being near them without having to engage. I promise you Eric, they really aren’t noticing what you think they are. It’s all in your head and you need to not give the fear such importance as that only makes it a stronger emotion for you to overcome.

[Turnipgirl in reply to Charlie-mg]

How are you and Bear the dog getting on?

Yes it's hard going isn't it facing up to irrational fears and I think I jumped the gun a bit when I said about going out for the whole day as that's what I do myself on a weekday and finds it works out well but everyone's different though!

Admitting there's problems is the hardest thing to do as I have done myself and taken steps to help myself when I am aware how I feel is irrational but can't help it.

[Charlie-mg in reply to Turnipgirl]

it is really hard isn’t it. I was met head on with a mostly irrational fear yesterday. . I had to fly across the country with really bad airplane turbulence. The kind that most everyone freaks out about. My thoughts went to us crashing as I had recently seen a crash on the news that was particularly horrendous. This thought of this sent me down a rabble hole of panic. People around me were somewhat panicking too which made things worse. I found myself in that position of am I going to be that person who needs comforting or can I rise above and comfort others who were worse than I was. Luckily I was blessed as there was a happy toddler sitting next to me (oblivious to the turbulence) who kept me distracted, and I him, as his mother was having a difficult time and was feeling sick. I didn’t want to freak the little guy out so I engaged with him drawing me pictures with his crayons. I’ve never been so happy to be sitting next to a 3-year old on a plane before! 😄 Thank god for small miracles, we made it fine and all ended well. Really stressful though.

Bear is good! A little bit of a troublemaker, he’s being extra stubborn these days, possibly from the heat. I didn’t see him for several days while I was out of town but he was happy and hyper as all get out when I got home yesterday so that was good to see. How’s everything with you? Have you been swimming outdoors? Hope the interviews are going good! Keep me posted, x

[Turnipgirl in reply to Charlie-mg]

Yes I had a really great day out on Monday just gone at outdoor swimming after I had done my job applications nice and early so my conscience was clear!

This morning it's an interview in Caerphilly for 11am and I have my sister in law with me for some support!

Yesterday it was a video interview at 1pm and the call kept cutting out and I managed to complete the call even though I was feeling frustrated when the Internet kept cutting out!

If it doesn't come to anything I won't be heartbroken over it and thankfully yesterday I got an early finish and was home for 2.30pm and no problems there!

Tomorrow its an early interview at 9.30am which is nice as once it's done it's done for the rest of the day!

Yesterday I went swimming early in order to fit that video call in which I enjoyed and talked to one of my friends who said how things on weekdays can get silly and hectic as well!

Monday I was out the whole day and didn't come home until 7.30pm!

Next week I have interviews book for Monday, Tuesday and Thursday!

[EricJones in reply to Charlie-mg]

That's the secret. I'm trying as hard as I can to see the reality for what it is. To look at the situation objectively without my negative emotions and thoughts involved., I don't seem to be able to do it, and don't know what to do about it.

[Charlie-mg in reply to EricJones]

The trick for me was finding balance in ‘feeling the fear’ acknowledging it’s there (and being ok with it; meditating on it, journaling about it if that works) but not obsessing about it or feeling the need for everything to be perfect tomorrow kind of thinking. Give yourself permission to analyze your fear objectively, let the fear pass through you, but only a couple times a day (for a limited amount of time) for example. It’s a deal you have to make with yourself and stick to it. Then use your logical brain to stay busy with anything that will reinforce positive thinking about yourself, be it hobbies work studies etc. Or at the very least, things that don’t reinforce the negative. Exercise is really important for me to stay grounded, works better than medication so that’s why I run. You like basketball right? Maybe you could try to play more often, see if that helps.

You hear lots of talk here about acceptance. I wish there was a different word for it as it makes me think of someone standing in front of a mirror saying “oh wonderful, today you’re going to accept yourself” …sounds so cheesy doesn’t it? It’s more like letting yourself off the hook, giving yourself a break, and REALLY mean it. And for me, even getting sick and tired of battling myself about irrational fears. Tell yourself enough is enough. As long as you let the fight continue you never win and the saga continues. You simply can’t outthink it. Trust me, I’m a master out-thinker and it won’t get you anywhere except maybe a headache, and more unfounded stuff to add to your already growing list of mental health to-do’s. But you have to put yourself out there and expose yourself to that which you fear the most…there’s just no way around it as that’s the only way you can reinforce that your fears are unfounded. It’s like learning to ride a bike, you may have to fall a couple of times but eventually you learn. If you never try, you’ll never ride. It’s the only way you’re going to believe yourself and believe IN yourself. Make sense? What other people think of you is irrelevant. You’re only accountable to yourself and you are in control of what you choose to think and worry about. Be a good leader to yourself, show yourself you’re worthy of overcoming your fears, be your own best boss. We’re all clueless in our own little worlds dealing with our own issues. We’re in the same boat you are just worrying about different things. It’s all relative.

o

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

You are not required to speak to anyone. It's your choice. Also those workers are there to do a job. They don't expect anyone from the group home other than whoever assigned them the job to talk to them. So it's perfectly fine to walk by them without saying anything. You don't have to go up to them and ask them what are they doing or make a corny joke like "Hey fellas! Working hard or hardly working?"

Just put on some headphones and listen to music. Maybe leave the group home for a little bit to decompress. I know you can't stay out for 7 hours. But maybe just an hour or 2. Go to the park or something.

[Turnipgirl in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I think I jumped the gun a bit when I said about going out for the whole day but like you say just a couple of hours is of help!

I find being out the whole day Monday through Friday helps me but what's right for me personally isn't what's right for everyone!

[ClassicalBlueKitty]

Eric, I struggle with paranoia too. If yours is otherwise well controlled you could try challenging it. I do this sometimes when I get paranoid. For example, you could go out there, look at them, and just not engage even if they say something. It can be terrifying, but if you have the coping skills to get through that part then it feels really good afterwards. No one can make you engage, they won't hurt you, and you don't have to say anything to them. You have the right to see others and be seen without your safety being at risk. They may judge you, but the beauty of it is that you don't need to know what they think, they won't tell you. You can tell yourself a different story about what they think. Maybe they see you and make a face, you can choose to keep telling yourself that they are thinking "wow that person is wearing THOSE socks? I didn't think that someone could just wear those unless they were on New York Fashion week runways".

[Turnipgirl in reply to ClassicalBlueKitty]

I have had episodes myself of being supposedly paranoid and I'm totally aware its irrational but can't help it!

With myself I was irrationally paranoid over being spied on by the maintenance staff that come round the estates on a weekday and I'm fully aware it's irrational but can't help it!

What I decided to do was make sure I am out Monday through Friday when they come round which I found has helped and also talking things over even when it's irrational!

One of my friends said if you really were paranoid and mentally ill you wouldn't know that you were and be aware that how you feel is irrational!

I do feel sorry for those staff as some of the other tenants in the flats are really rude to them and swear at them and they are only doing what they have been told to do by their managers!

Maybe the tenants who swear at them are frightened of them and feel spied on but don't want to admit it and work through it asking themselves what exactly is it that upsets them and why and go from there.

[EricJones in reply to ClassicalBlueKitty]

So, what would be your suggestion tomorrow if I don't want to engage with them, but I also don't want to ignore them initially.

[worthytobeloved]

Just say 'hi' in a friendly manner, and carry on doing what you want to do with your day. However, I do understand that any stranger, let alone lots of strangers in your home is upsetting. I certainly don't like having to get workmen in. Best of luck!

[EricJones in reply to worthytobeloved]

Do you think this is a normal response, that I don't want strangers in my home? lol

[Downandout123 in reply to EricJones]

I'm the worst when it comes to having strangers in my home. It feels very uncomfortable and like I don't know what to do with myself when they are there. I have social anxiety so don't like to chit chat with them. I just try to "go about my day", whatever that means. If there are dishes in the sink, i wash them. If I have to dust, then I do that. Anything to keep myself engaged, ( or at least look like it)! lol

[worthytobeloved]

Eric, honestly you are not alone in feeling uncomfortable with strangers in your home. I bet some of (or all) of the others you live with will feel the same. Maybe even the workmen may be feeling uncomfortable being in someone else's home. Let's just hope they finish the work quickly,!

[Midori in reply to worthytobeloved]

Hi Eric; I positively detest it when I have to have workmen in my home. I feel crowded and trapped. I don't go out in case they rifle though my things, or worse still steal something. I retreat as far as I can get from them.

My home is my sanctuary, and I am picky as to whom I let in. I'm not the tidiest of people, and I know there are folk who love to look and criticise. This is my version of paranoia.

Cheers, Midori

[Turnipgirl in reply to Midori]

I had a chat with the other tenants here who are nice and said that I didn't feel comfortable on weekdays when the estate staff are milling around and they said how it can get intrusive and no I wasn't being silly for feeling like that which was nice to know no I wasn't silly for feeling that way!