Mom bodyshaming me while I'm struggling

[Against_the_current]

She's telling me how fat i am in passive aggressive way. She's saying my muscles will de-evolve as if im going to mutate in a whale. She doesn't know how hard it is to train with depression and meds that she's causing me to take

[Luna1101]

Hey! Move out. Maybe it will be hard and you will struggle with money, but better to be poor if it helps with your mental state.Unfortunately, mothers are not always behaving how a mother should and you have to treat it like any other toxic relationship- walk away.

Out of experience, talking to her might not help, as she probably believes she does nothing wrong.

With you all the best!

You will get through this!

[Against_the_current in reply to Luna1101]

Thank you! It really is more of a toxic codependency relationship instead of parenthood. Thank you for understanding me and supporting me on moving out. And thank you for understanding talking to her is pointless. My therapist told me i should move out but im scared i will be poor and need to maintain a place and myself with depression. So really appreciate ur encouragement

[Luna1101 in reply to Against_the_current]

It will be hard at first, money will not be good, but you will probably get your mental health in a better state.You can also try to find a roommate to split the rent. Not necessary somebody you know.

You are strong! Keep your head up!

[Against_the_current in reply to Luna1101]

The thing is that my dad left an appartment and im supposed to go there but the appartment is ruined and I'm not mentally, physically or intellectually able to restore it. I wanted to get a roommate there but i can't because "uncle family visits" once a year. I can't get a roommate but they can't repair the place if they want uncle's family to feel more comfortable

[Luna1101 in reply to Against_the_current]

One step at a time!Maybe go to a rented apartment and, when you will feel ready to restore the apartment you can start with it.

There are solutions. I believe you will find the one that is right for you.

[Against_the_current in reply to Luna1101]

Thank you. I want to but i don't have money for rent and grandparents won't let me rent while there's an empty apartment. They don't understand. I need a home. Since 3 years I've been needing a home

[catsrock]

I'm sorry, that's really unkind.

[Against_the_current in reply to catsrock]

Thank you

[bethelbee]

I agree with the moving out! Your mom is constantly belittling you and is toxic to your mental health. A change needs to be made to bring peace to your life. I hope you can do what needs to be done...

[Against_the_current in reply to bethelbee]

Thank you. Hope i find the strenght to move out and have a job and restore the damage dad did

[bethelbee in reply to Against_the_current]

I hope you find the strength as well. Wishing you the peace in your life you deserve.

[Against_the_current in reply to bethelbee]

Thank you. I just want peace and home. Mom doesn't even understand why me and sis start yelling out of nowhere but we're burnt out

[SayNOtoPanic]

Praying for you to get your own place and some boundaries. Don’t let anyone fat shame you. That’s them expressing their own issues. What matters is what you see. Look at yourself and acknowledge you in a positive light.

[Against_the_current in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

Thank you 🙏. I actually like myself and i understand im struggling and on medication, just she crossed the line

[worthytobeloved]

So good to hear from you - I was hoping you were OK because I hadn't heard from you for a while.I think the best thing is to ignore her/feel sorry for her that she can be so unkind/and try not to let it get to you.

The suggestions to move out are good, but you've done that before, and you will probably still have to see your mum from time to time. If it's any help, the same thing happened to me until I was about 40 years old, when I changed, and just let mum's criticisms wash over me. Amazingly, she then changed, and our relationship was wonderful!

[Against_the_current in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you for understanding. I did try to move out and it was so hard. Glad im not alone. Others my age have it all together and here i am. I really hoppe our relationship improves. Thank you for giving me hope and understanding. And the way you cared that i was gone is all i wanted. Someone to care and notice

[worthytobeloved]

Bless you, darling! Yes, I really do care about you, and I know many others on this site do. I'm glad you said earlier on that you liked yourself (sometimes anyway, if you're anything like the rest of us)! You know you're doing your best with the situation you're in, even if everything isn't perfect.I don't know what to suggest - I wish I did. Maybe try to find peace through meditation, prayer (if you're so inclined), etc. I've bought a book called Self-Compassion by Dr Kristen Neff and went on her website where I get encouraging e-mails from her. Any support and encouragement you can get, whether locally or online. It sounds as though you have quite a few friends - can you share with them? And, of course, there's this amazing supportive site!

Regarding your mum, apart from the drinking, I think she probably has a lot of psychological issues that make her how she is, and she can't help it.

I certainly saw that with my mum over the years - when she was unhappy or stressed she would lash out at us kids (verbally, by the way). For example, after my dad died and she was left with 3 children (the youngest aged 6), our mealtimes were awful because there would be a horrible silence, with her occasionally calling us bloodsuckers and parasites. Another time she was unhappy at work, and could suddenly say something very cruel for no reason.

And I've done it myself when I've been going through a bad time - that's how I realised why she acted like that.

I'm going to end by telling you how precious you are, and I'm so glad I know you!

And, once again,thank you for posting that amazing song and video recently!

Take care, beautiful girl!!! xxx

[Against_the_current in reply to worthytobeloved]

Thank you. That's so painful. I wish we and our mothers didn't have to go through that. I feel like my mom feels like she's the only single parent in the world. Yours had 3 and ine of them was 6! That's so hard for everyone. Mine had me and sis - 17 and 11, now 24 and 17. If only she didn't make me do emotional labour, i could have started helping her and working at 18 but they broke me and here i am at 24 paralysed and useless