Unsupportive partner issues??

[dogmom9912]

Has anyone had any issues with their partner not believing you have an illness so you feel like you can’t go to them when you’re struggling? My bf says he doesnt believe in labels and in his eyes anxiety is something we just overcome. I was diagnosed with severe GAD and even noticed I didn’t feel sad anymore once I started taking zoloft. Has anyone else had this issue where their partner doesn’t necessarily believe them? If so, any advice? We’ve been together 4 years and my diagnosis is more recent but it makes me feel like I don’t have a support system. Thanks!

[Alpakka123]

Wow, you've been living with your boyfriend since you were 16?! (The term partner normally connates living together).

[dogmom9912 in reply to Alpakka123]

Well not exactly, we started dating when I was 14 and he was 16. (The middle of june & my bday is at the end of june while his is in may so almost 15 & 16) As of now we’re 19 and 20 but he basically lives at my house as we haven’t spent a night apart lol. This kinda started my first year of college since it’s like 45 mins away and i stayed on campus and would come home on the weekends and he just stayed over since he didn’t see me during the week. I see him now as a partner since we basically live together and buy our own things since i don’t want my mom to worry about the both of us since i have three young siblings.

[Amiwrong]

yes! My partner of 8 years. There’s times when he tries but mostly he says he believes in power of the mind lol. He also sees me as neurotypical and so his expectations don’t line up with who I am at all. When I get really depressed I don’t go to him. I just go absent for a few days, avoiding (we don’t live together). He often misinterprets what I say and do and so we argue. I just feel like if he could remember that I have all these things that creates differences that he would react to me differently.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Well it is possible to overcome it. However doesn't mean everyone can do it. A lot of that tends to come from trauma and fear. Hell I'm a lot better off than I was 4yrs ago but I still battle with anxiety. And I've come to understand that it'll be with me for the rest of my life.

I think a lot of couples especially ones who never have had experience with anxiety or depression tend to be dismissive because they don't know. They think it's like be scared after watching a scary movie or sad and you'll "get over it". Not exactly how that works.

So maybe finding some articles about anxiety and what it is to show your boyfriend. Even have a heart to heart talk with him. Explain to him what it feels like to you when you have anxiety attacks and being anxious. Because not everyone feels the same thing. Tell him how how much it would mean to you if he would be on your team, your support team. And avoid saying "I feel like you/you're ___" Because that would only make him defensive. Instead say something like " I want to feel___" Makes it easier to receive.

Also I recommend an app Dare by Barry McDonagh and there's a book under the same name. It has really helped me get my anxiety together.

Wishing you healing and love 🫂 ❤️

[jackiesj]

Id be rethinking if a spouse/boyfriend dismisses what is totally important to YOU, no matter what it is,,,married here now 41 years,,,totally supported career choices life cleaned up after etc and stayed. I learned as long as he got what he needed things were good. When a serious diagnosis hit and i no longer am beck and call...also paying for bills...he isnt there. Im 68..do you want this the rest of your life and have you considered even mentioning counseling? Can you ask mom privately to just listen? She loves you as much as siblings and do you want them to go thru life thinking its all perfect? Life is life.

[Dont_Blink]

I am sorry for how lonely that must feel. I hope you have other avenues of support while you navigate through this with your partner. I have some similar situations going on, you are not alone. Would he be open to going to a therapist with you? Sometimes having someone that is educated in speaking in a way to reach multiple people can help your partner relate. Anxious is something everyone feels from time to time, so the general feeling can be relatable, but those of us whose mind and bodies struggle to calm those feelings are overwhelmed and at times debilitated by it. It sounds like a lack of understanding, but he has to be willing to want to understand.

[dogmom9912 in reply to Dont_Blink]

I’m honestly not sure. We had a really heart to heart conversation yesterday about everything and it all kinda just poured out of me and I tried to explain the fact that I don’t feel like myself and he said i’ve seemed off ever since I’ve actually acknowledged the fact that i have anxiety. We talked really late so we didnt finish the conversation but there’s so much i feel like i need to tell him but can’t bcuz im afraid he’ll dismiss my feelings.

[Mountainlover57]

Yes, I was married to someone that was very unsupportive in many ways when I had needed support, especially when I had been diagnosed with anxiety for many years. His inability to support me even though I had supported him through the loss of his parents and many things that he had gone through was one of the reasons why I decided to leave. Although it was a hard decision to make, I had to do it for myself. I had found a good therapist 2 years before I left and she had met with him and had decided that he had no empathy for what I was going through and had no clue. I could not go through life with someone who did not get me. This was my decision and I'm not saying that anybody should leave a partner but I need a circle of people whether they be friends, family or a partner that has to understand and thoroughly be someone that I can spend the rest of my life to support me.