Cutting off the bad

[Lookingforhope20100]

It's been a while since my last post here and now I have a lot of questions and an update.Is it trauma if you're the only one that remembers the shit the world put you through. I had a rough childhood. My dad worked all the time to pay for the tiny one bedroom house that was falling apart that I considered home. My mother would take his hard earned money that was supposed to go to bills and spent it on drugs instead. So in turn we lost that house and I moved in with my grandparents and brother (that's a story on its own) things were okay my brother always got special treatment because he's a miracle baby. I was always pencil thin and was called fat or chubby all the time soon I developed an eating disorder. In turn now I'm suffering from severe medical conditions brought on by the eating disorder. Now on to present day, I have recovered from my eating disorder but not before the damage is already done. My grandmother treats me like crap and yes half of the time it's my fault or I end up making it worse every single time I try to talk to her about it she shuts me down and tells me "that never happened" or the famous "I do it so you'll have a good life" she never helps when it matters and I've been called an inconvenience more times then I can count. That brings us to today I have my own apartment my own kid my own life, but she needed the lawn mowed normally I'd do it for free because what else am I doing. But this time money is short because of rent so I asked her if she could throw some money my way. She said sure and I got to work. They live on an incline and I'm scared to mow the hill but I did most of it but no that wasn't good enough. So I also mowed the back. Also not good enough for her anyways everyone else said looks nice thank you. But no my grandma had to complain about everything. And make me look like the spoiled child I then wanted to go home and shower before I had to pick my daughter up from school. My grandma didn't like that she wanted me to stay and do more around the house and that they make time out of their schedule. Like is that not what I did for them. But I asked for the money for doing the lawn and she said she wouldn't pay me because I did a crappy job on the front and the gutters were dirty I was ONLY asked to mow. After a blowout with her my mother drove me home and I texted her because talking in person doesn't work with her and I told her she needs to treat me better and show respect that's all I asked for and she took it as an attack calling me names and everything in the book but her last text to me was her cutting my off and even though I'm sad about it, it was her choice. I know I sound like a whiney child but I'm 22 and have put up with this for a LONG time and now I don't have too. She had her turn to live her life I'm not going to let her run mine.

[Alpakka123]

Yes, it's a trauma would be my answer. It traumatized you and therefore it's a trauma.

[Dolphin14]

Lookingforhope20100

I'm very sorry for what you have been through.

I read your bio, you state you have complex PTSD. Have you had any therapy for this?

Can you limit the time you spend with your family? It sounds like they are going to continue to hurt you emotionally.

🐬

[Midori]

You sound like a strong young lady, but don't let this embitter you. You have had a rough deal from both your mother and your grandparents. Yes, It is Trauma.

If you can, move out and become independent. You may need to work 2 jobs for awhile, until you can get on your feet again. Do you have any friends who could put you up for awhile?

[Lookingforhope20100 in reply to Midori]

I have my own apartment I do things around my grandma's house because she is old and can't get around and do it herself. I try to help as much as I can but she isn't excepting the fact that I indeed have my own life it's stressful don't get me wrong but it's better then what I was put through growing up. I still love them they are my blood but they cut me off and kicked me out at 19

[Midori]

Well, if she doesn't appreciate what you do for her, be unavailable for awhile.

Can your mother help her at all?

Personally, I would tell them that you don't appreciate being 'used' and a worker is worth their pay, You may be family, but as an adult they have no 'official' call on your services. You have your own life now.

That's just me, but I quit being 'used' some time ago. I'm a bolshy old bird now.

Cheers, Midori

[Lookingforhope20100 in reply to Midori]

Thank you for you advice and kind words my mother lives with my grandma so she does most of the inside work I'm "young and healthy" according to my grandmother she doesn't believe I have the medical conditions and that I'm just trying to get out of helping I'm taking your words into consideration and I think I'm done being used as well thank you again and have the best day you can

[Midori in reply to Lookingforhope20100]

Thank you, sometimes the only remedy is cutting them off until they learn.

Cheers, Midori