The story of today

[Against_the_current]

Hello. My father left us and had a new wife and a baby. Mom started drinking and sis got distant. She got a boyfriend she refuses to let me meet, i also get online boyfriends just for the emotional connection because my parents and sister left my heart empty but i feel like im betraying myself and these people. I'm going to visit one of my penpals and mom's nuts. She acts like we're getting married while i see him as a good friend (I'm strongly medicated and i can't feel libido from the antidepressants). But mom acts like she's his mother in law and we're having a wedding tomorrow. While one day ago she was scared he would kidnap me. I told her that we have meet in person and he's a nice guy and he listens to my yapping which is what i need. I will die for a little bit of kindness. I couldn't come home because mom was drinking and asking questions so i just roamed outside. Kids told me im fat and that I'm too much and i "better d1e and be reborn as a cat" and thst i can't express my anger towards my half-sibling who ruined me, mom, sis and dad. And dad's moving cities and im grieving him. But zero empathy. I was his first kid. I wasn't so bugged by him having another kid because of jealousy but because of mom's mental health. Now i am jealous. Great. Also i went nuts because one woman that i considered a good neighbour told me for the 156755 "it's not the baby's fault". I have heard that but please please let me feel my feelings. I can't bottle them up like mom. I'm not insulting her family or something. I considered that woman my only friend and she made me go into hysterical outbreak. I got home, stayed in the bathroom (i don't have a room) until mom kicked me out because all the alcohol made her pee. She usually has fights with sis about the bathroom. And she's drunk so she wants the bathroom asap. We have to wash hands and so. I'm not safe at home. I'm not safe outside. Also mom blackmailed me she will abandon us like that (not knowing the trauma) and I will have to take care of this teenager that despises me. I don't h

[LoveforAll41]

I am so sorry Against. That is so much for any one human to handle 😥❤️

[Against_the_current in reply to LoveforAll41]

Absolutely. My soul is in a convulsion and i don't know how to release it or go out or at least explain it to my parents so mom doesn't think I'm an ungrateful brat and dad gives me attention and recons im hurting

[LivingInTheDark]

First of all, thank you for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to not feeling wanted or safe. Please, please, please trust your instincts with anyone that you meet, whether in person or online. That emptiness that you’re feeling and the wanting to feel loved could make you a target for people to take advantage of you. Who is the one person that you absolutely trust? I am concerned for you and the situation that you are in. Don’t ever let anyone tell you about you, they have not walked in your shoes. Feel your feelings. Love yourself. Take care of you.

[Against_the_current in reply to LivingInTheDark]

Mom thinks i do nothing. I would go to a serial killer's house rn just to not be with the psychopath i have at home

[LivingInTheDark]

What do you do for yourself? What makes you happy? Is there anything that gives you time outside of the house? Are you working? Student?

[Against_the_current in reply to LivingInTheDark]

Just graduated. I'm not well enough to work but not gonna earn enough as disabled around 150$ if they even agree to write me as disabled. I will have to find a job but my degree is useless with the new laws and new traumas and with now that my eyes are open that they won't hire me because they have their people to hire no matter my marks. I have hobbies like gaming and tv and reading but mom ruins them because she thinks im doing nothing and starts giving me tasks and i can't just pause an online game. And she talks to me drunk and makes me anxious and i can't focus. And turns down the lights and the tv so i can't neither watch something or read