How do I wrap my brain around this?

[TailWags]

I love my mother dearly. She is the most loving, selfless, giving, funny and smart person I know. She is up there in years and health is failing and has some dementia. When she says she doesnt feel good it is hard to even figure out what feels bad. There are so many ups and downs and the ongoing stress is difficult for me. It seems there must be some way of framing this in my mind to get a better grip on it. I just cant figure out a way. Anyone have any thoughts on how to handle this? Thanks.

[Downinil]

Hi TailWags! I have taken care of people living with dementia so I know it is heartbreaking to watch a loved one struggle. Living with clinical depression, anxiety and grief on top of that is a real challenge. It did help to remind myself that my love and admiration for her was a gift that fueled my efforts through that journey.

[TailWags in reply to Downinil]

Thank you. I spent a lot of time thinking today. I am pondering your comment now. Good loving patents are a gift. I am so blessed that way. It will be so hard when she is gone. I just want her to be happy for whatever time she has left

[beehappy2day]

Hi TailWags!

What you’re going through sounds incredibly stressful. Know that your feelings are valid, and remember to give yourself grace as you navigate through this!

I also have a family history of dementia and have also worked in long-term care facilities. Something that has helped me cope with the ups and downs and uncertainty of it all is to try to focus on the present moment to meet the person where they’re at right then and there. If our interactions are based in a place of love and acceptance, then we can adjust our behaviors in that moment to accommodate what our loved ones need at that time. So I guess what it comes down to is making a honest attempt to adopt a mindset of support, adaptability, and resiliency.

We are all human and are incredibly fragile. My main advice is just to be kind to yourself and your mother. Each moment we have together, whether we’re feeling up or down, is valuable and worth experiencing. Give yourselves lots of grace and love 💜

I hope you take what resonates with you, and wish you and your mother well.

- beehappy2day 🐝

[TailWags in reply to beehappy2day]

She is a wonderful person. Way more graceful and socially ept than me. Endlessly giving. She has always always been there for me. I always feel better when i am with her. I dont know how that works, but it does. I have been so tense, anxious and tired for the last few weeks. I had the long holiday weekend, but she ended up.in the hospital. She came home monday, but we thought she might have to. go back today. Thankfully she was feeling better after a while. I try to learn being present and mindfullness from my dog. I spent much of the day trying to.think of things to be thankful for and things to.look forward to. I feel.like i need to be in nature in a wide open space. Havent felt like this before.Thank you.

[Starrlight in reply to TailWags]

Going in nature with a big open space, sounds good. Being in the present too. I understand your need to have her be happy before she goes. And caregiving is a lot of work but so rewarding. My mom died 1year and 1/2 ago from Alzheimer’s disease and I miss her physical self but she’s here with me within our souls because of love we share. Make sure you take good care of yourself. It can be hard to find the time when you are a main caregiver.

[Starrlight]

I don’t know how to frame the situation in your mind. Maybe remind yourself that like in nature, things do have their own time, and nature flows like it does for us too if we listen to our inner wisdom. Life tends to work out eventually when you are seeking ways to cope and having the awareness and gratefulness to recieve what you want and need for you and for your mom . Blessings to you two

💛⭐️

[TailWags in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you. It is the back and forth between good and bad days that is so hard. I know the eventual outcome. But i dont know when. One day it seems any day, the next she bounces back and i feel stupid for being so concerned and wigged out. Thank you for your caring reply.

[Starrlight in reply to TailWags]

Oh yes the good to the bad back to good again it IS difficult because we care so we worry then we’re like ok we are doing this now, but wait ok we are actually now doing this today. I recall I felt like I was spinning trying to figure some care tips to make her more comfortable and just when I got it down it changes. Reminds me of raising my kids- same thing. Well we try our best and that’s definitely enough.

💛⭐️

[TailWags in reply to Starrlight]

I know i am not the only one. Trying to work in all the advice. The whole experience can kind of rip your heart apart. Anyhow, thanks again.

[Starrlight in reply to TailWags]

No problem and I truly wish you to find all you need. Pm me any time you need to talk.

💛⭐️

[TailWags in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks